suffer the children

Recently, the Church changed its policy regarding the blessing and baptism of the children of same-sex couples. These changes have only been announced through news media sources (source 1, source 2, source 3 - plus several others). This policy change redefines apostasy as including participation in a same-sex marriage. It also states that "a natural or adopted child of a parent living in a same-gender relationship, whether the couple is married or cohabiting, may not receive a name and a blessing." And that a natural or adopted child of a same-sex couple can only be baptized if "the child accepts and is committed to live the teachings and doctrine of the Church, and specifically disavows the practice of same-gender cohabitation and marriage"; and "the child is of legal age and does not live with a parent who has lived or currently lives in a same-gender cohabitation relationship or marriage."

Recently, the Church has shown support for same-sex couples in their legal endeavors. Many congregations have included homosexual individuals in their worship services. However, the Church's policy on same-sex marriage and behavior is clear. We believe that God has ordained marriage between a man and a woman. We believe that acting on same-sex attraction is a sin (though the attraction itself is not a sin if it is not practiced). 

In high school, I was close friends with several gay men. Due to this friendship I've always been a little conflicted on the issue of gay marriage. When sorting out my thoughts, I came to the conclusion that I would support my gay friends and relatives in their lifestyles. I do not have the right to decide for them how they feel and want to act. I have never felt threatened by or uncomfortable with the idea of same-sex marriage being recognized legally and have supported its legalization. I decided that my religious beliefs do not necessarily dictate my political beliefs. I can believe in the divinity of traditional marriage while believing that everyone, despite their personal beliefs on the matter, has a right to that legal institution. 

Since last night (which I understand is not the longest amount of time) I have been trying to wrap my head around the policy changes. I am hesitant to form my own opinion yet since the Church has not released official statements or explanations of the matter. I'm mostly writing this so I can understand my own thoughts. My initial response was shock. I was shocked that the Church would keep essential and saving ordinances from a child because of the actions of their parents. I was shocked that the Church would refuse the option of membership from a child due to the "apostasy" of their guardians. I tried to assimilate this change with my belief that "men will be punished for their own sins" (Article of Faith #2) and not for the sins of others. I tried to understand why Christ would say "suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for such is the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 19:14) during his life, but then would allow for a policy keeping those same little children from entering into that kingdom. I still don't fully understand and I have many questions.

For example, what happens to the 14 year old kid who strongly desires to get baptized, firmly believes in Church doctrine and teachings, and has the approval to get baptized from his same-sex parents? What happens when he wants the blessings of baptism and membership now instead of waiting four years? What happens when he has no place else to go when he does turn 18?

Does this apply to any children of same-sex couples or just the ones living with their parents? What if a devout family member takes the child in to their home? Is this change to protect the relationship of parent(s) and child? Is this change to ensure that a child won't become inactive or leave the Church after continuing to live with same-sex parents?

Why, if the previous definition of apostasy was "repeatedly [acting] in clear, open, and deliberate public opposition to the Church or its leaders," would a new definition need to be added to specifically mention same-sex marriage? It clearly falls under the first definition under Church doctrine. Why would the Church openly postpone blessings for certain individuals because of the circumstances they are living in?

We are all sinners, so why should the children of certain kinds of sinners be held from baptism? Why can a child of adulterous parents, addicts, or criminals be baptized normally when a child with same-sex parents is given so many restrictions?

I'm sure there are answers to these questions and social media has been fighting hard to find them. I have been told by some that Christ would not support this policy. I have heard from others that even though it may not make sense now, we need to trust the Lord. I have felt ashamed of the Church's decision. I've felt ashamed for feeling that way. I've felt heartbroken for the children of same-sex couples who are looking for truth and baptism and are told they can't have it yet. I've felt chastened by other Church members for my questioning of the Church's changed policies.

I know that I will not be able to fully understand certain things while I am on this earth. I know that throughout mortal life, I will have questions and in time, I can find answers. I know that I need to have faith, but sometimes faith is hard. It is okay to have questions and search for answers. It is okay to be unsure. President Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the Presidency of the Church, counsels us to to "doubt our doubts before we doubt our faith." But this does not mean we should be ashamed for having doubts in the first place.