redefining beauty

Something our culture is currently obsessed with is beauty. As a society, we have set an ideal and we think less of those who don't reach it. Women who are generally considered beautiful are tall, thin, have clear skin, luxurious hair and big eyes. Their eyelashes go on for days and their lips are full and pink. Eyebrows are perfectly shaped and stomachs are flat. Men don't escape these ideals either. Men are to be tall and muscular, have chiseled abs and a strong jaw. They are expected to look strong, but not daunting. And these qualities are generally found to be attractive, so we set this standard for everyone.

However, in doing so, we tend to see qualities that aren't contingent with the standard to be unattractive, or not qualifying of the word beautiful.

And people have started to notice this issue. There has been a huge surge of men and women calling for a change. People are all about "redefining beauty." On the surface level I think this is fantastic. Why do we have one definition for what's beautiful? Clearly individuals outside of this definition still qualify.

Take for example, Tess Holliday.


(https://healthnewsandviews.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/tess-munster-tess-holliday.jpg)

Holliday is a plus-size model. She's 5'5", size 22, and absolutely stunning. She has also spearheaded the movement #EffYourBeautyStandards, encouraging women all over the world to embrace their size and beauty.

Another example is Madeline Stuart.


(http://www.popsugar.com/fashion/Madeline-Stuart-Model-Down-Syndrome-37508623#photo-37508627)

Madeline is an 18 year old aspiring model with Down's syndrome. She's totally adorable and another advocate against traditional beauty standards.

Both of these women are creating new ideas of beauty. But this takes us back to the idea of "redefining beauty." Journalists love to use this phrase to describe what these women and what others like them are doing. Bu when you delve deeper into the meaning of these words, they make it seem like these individuals don't actually qualify as beautiful unless the core idea of beauty is changed. It says that they must "redefine beauty" before they can be considered for the title. And even worse, claiming that beauty is in the process of being redefined insinuates that it was capable of having an objective definition in the first place.

We've all heard the quote "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," yet we often disregard it's claim. Beauty is not one thing. Beauty is whatever we want or make it to be. Beauty doesn't have an objective definition no matter how hard we try to give it one. We also get stuck on beauty as something that is professed outwardly. We focus on its visual aspects and ignore its mental, emotional, and spiritual capacity. We define it as a standard of aesthetics, rather than personality traits.  

Merriam-Webster's full definition of the word beauty is "the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit." This definition leaves the "qualities" in question up to the interpretation of the beholder as to what they find exalting or pleasurable to their senses, mind, and spirit. As individuals we get to decide what we find beautiful, both aesthetically and otherwise. 

I love my crooked nose. I think it's kind of adorable how awkward I become when people compliment me. I have the lankiest limbs. I can be extremely obnoxious. Sometimes I don't filter what I say as best as I should. And guess what. I'm so beautiful. By my own standards, not based on the ideas of others. 

Discover what you find beautiful and discover those things in yourself. When it comes to the definition of beauty, the only one that truly matters is your own.

mormon sexuality

We live in a world where female sexuality is pretty taboo. Living in the Mormon world, it is especially ignored. We don't talk about it, because if we don't, it doesn't exist right? Nope. In fact, the less we talk about it, the more strife it brings on young women trying to figure it all out.

Men have been painted as sexual beings throughout time. It is understood that men are often bombarded with thoughts about sex and often use these thoughts to determine their behaviors. It's normal for men to be viewed this way and everyone seems to just accept it. As members of the church, we often acknowledge this struggle and try to find ways to convenience them. My least favorite is the argument that modesty in clothing is important because it will help young men have cleaner thoughts. Debunking that teaching could be a whole other blog post if I wanted, but I digress.

As an LDS community, we do not like to think of women as being sexual. As much as we avoid the topic of sex in the first place, sex and its relation to women is ignored even more.

But here's the truth. Humans are sexual beings. This includes women. And ignoring that fact is making life for young girls more difficult than it really should be.

First of all, as a Mormon community, I feel like we need to be more open about sex in general. We go from being single youth and young adults who are supposed to regard sex as something off limits both in action and in thought, to being young, married, and totally lost. This shift from sex being taboo to sex being regarded as something beautiful and God-given is jarring and can cause issues in a relationship. The problem here is not the initial view of sex being something to avoid before marriage in order to stay morally pure or the view that after marriage it is a way to strengthen a relationship and keep commandments. The issue is the sudden change that does not allow for adjustment.

This can be solved by creating an environment for youth and young adults in the church in which sex is regarded as a natural human instinct—one that we can resist and avoid until the time is right, but one that we should not be ashamed of. But when we avoid the topic all together, we sometimes don't even understand our own shame. And this can scare people from asking questions because they don't want to be the one to bring it up. The conversation about sex in the Mormon community is seemingly closed and not looking to be opened.

Though I do not want to belittle the struggles that men face, I do believe women in the church are facing further difficulties due to the views of the world. Male sexuality is more accepted both in and outside of the church, while female sexuality is avoided in both regards. This makes it even more difficult for young women to be open about their feelings and urges.

As I stated before, women are sexual beings and we need to make this a more open topic of discussion with each other.

As a young women, I honestly didn't struggle with this too much. I have always been attracted to men, but I never really felt much of a need to act on it until more recently. In high school, I rarely dated and my first kiss wasn't until after I had graduated. I didn't struggle with my sexuality because it wasn't something at the forefront of my mind. But as I have witnessed young women from back home and the women I'm around on a daily basis where I currently live, I've begun to recognize that these are issues we need to be open about.

As a result of ignoring female sexuality, I have noticed that more and more young girls are beginning to experiment for themselves rather than ask questions. This is leading them to places and situations they don't need to be in. If they felt more comfortable asking questions and talking to their parents and leaders about this issues, perhaps we would encounter less of these issues. We need to facilitate an environment of trust and understanding that allows young girls (and boys) to ask questions regarding their sexuality and how to deal with it.

We are sexual beings. We don't like to say it, but we are. Sex is a common motivator for our behavior and it's something we encounter often in our thoughts. We need to stop pretending like it isn't something we're all dealing with. Open conversation could be the difference in someone's eternal progression and we need to facilitate that.