no one else will

I was thinking recently about how important it is to say things. I have been writing on this silly blog for nearly a year and a half now. In this time, I have published posts that have seen hundreds of eyes and some that don't seem to even reach the smallest audience. But I keep on writing. Firstly because I love it. I like being able to articulate my views on issues that I find important to me. I also love the reception and response. It is such a compliment to see people appreciating the work I have put in to my thoughts. It's even awesome to receive criticism and start important discussions. And of course, each time I hit publish I hope my writing will be caught up in the whirlwinds of social media and find its way to thousands of readers. But knowing that likely will not happen, I hit publish anyway.

So that got me thinking about what keeps me writing. Why is it so important to me that I put my writing out there even when I know not too many people are going to read it? I could just write these things for myself and keep them hidden away in the depths of my computer, but something drives me to share.


"Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it." This quote might be Ghandi, might be made up, and is definitely used in the film Remember Me with Robert Pattinson.

I've come to terms with the fact that most of what I do will be insignificant in the grand scheme of things. But it's not my job to be significant. It is merely my job to live. And perhaps in that life I will have the blessing of having a positive influence on others. And maybe that influence could somehow be construed as significant. It's not something for me to worry about. 

Dreamboat RPatz, in this film as Tyler, follows up this quote with "because nobody else will." Perhaps everything I have to say has already been said. But maybe it hasn't, and maybe if I'm not the one to say it, no one else will. And I think that's what really keeps me going. I know that whether my words are completely unique or they have been repeated a million times, it's so important that I say them.

We all have important things to say. We have unique perspectives and our thought processes can lead us to ideas that have never been presented before. And it can be really hard to be the person who stands up and speaks out. It's terrifying to put yourself out there. What if I don't have anything new to say? What if I embarrass myself?

This reminded me of the bystander effect. Say you are walking down the street. You see a young couple. You can tell they are in a heated argument and suddenly, one hits the other. You know this kind of behavior needs to be stopped but you are on your way to class. You're running late and you're worried you're not going to make it on time. There are a few other people around so you decide that you will continue to class because one of them is bound to intervene. Unfortunately, there is a good chance these other people are thinking very similar things. One is on their way to a business meeting. Another is on the phone and doesn't want to disturb their conversation. Another is simply timid and doesn't think they will be able to change the situation. But you don't take action assuming someone else will and they all do the same.

This can happen with ideas. You have a thought that you know you need to share, but something stops you. Fear, shame, laziness, the assumption that what you have to say is not important or has been shared before. Whatever it is, you stop and you keep that thought to yourself. It never gets shared. But what if that one thought leads to increased social justice and acceptance? Or maybe that thought is spread and inspires a work of art. Maybe that thought sparks the chain that leads to the cure for cancer. Those words could lead you to love, to friendship, to compassion. Or maybe that idea does nothing for you personally, but leads another person to better self-esteem, happiness, or love.

You can never know the impact of what you have to say. So it's important that you say it. Maybe someone else will, but maybe they won't. And our words might be completely insignificant, but it's so crucial that we say them. We just have to remember that there is so much more to gain from sharing our thoughts than there is to lose.

how to be wrong

I'm the kind of person who does not give up an argument easily. If we start a debate, it's really hard for me to end it. I have to feel like I have won. This is mostly because I am really passionate about my beliefs but also because I am insanely stubborn. Once I have come to a conclusion about something, I will usually stick to that stance. I am not easily swayed. Take that as a warning if you ever want to argue with me.

Also note that I live in a logical world where there is a sensible answer to any problem. I rely on reasoning more often than I really should. On the Myers Briggs personality spectrum, I am definitely on the thinking side of the thinking/feeling dichotomy. And when asked what my biggest fear is, I reply with the cheesy, almost invalid answer of "not understanding." When I don't grasp a subject, I'm quick to decide that it's pointless and not worth pursuing. Seriously, just ask my high school calculus teacher.

But recently, I have discovered that it is important to recognize that you aren't always going to be right. Your opinion isn't perfect, you won't understand everything, and truth will always be subjective. I think I discovered this in a selfish way. When other people didn't agree with me and I wanted them to become more willing to admit their own faults. But I am begrudgingly admitting that this is something I need to do as well. And it kinda sucks. Admitting that you are wrong is one of the hardest things to do. It takes a shot at your dignity and opens yourself up to judgment. No one wants to be the person that changes their mind. In politics, its called flip-flopping and it can kill a campaign. But the truth is the change of opinion and the recognition of fault is essential to growth.

One of the most important things to learn in life is how to be wrong. We often float around in a dream world where all of our thoughts are truth. We are right and we shouldn't change our thoughts, behaviors, and characteristics because it's a sign of weakness. The phrase "you've changed" typically has a negative connotation as if change is unwanted or weak. But change is pretty key to our own growth.

To an extent, our thoughts and ideas are our own personal truths. But we must be careful to not project these things onto others. Our beliefs won't always be right for everyone and it can be hard to come to terms with that. But we also have to recognize that what we see as our own personal truth may not be completely correct or healthy for ourselves. We might think we're right and that our decisions are our own business, but others can often add a perspective to our view of our decisions and its important to listen. I am not always right no matter how much I'd like to think I am, even, and maybe even especially when it comes to the decisions I am making with my own life.

So how do we let ourselves be wrong? In our journey to find objective truth we often come to the conclusion that we are the only ones who can see it. That our truth is everyone's truth. But the fallacy in this journey is that there isn't really an objective truth to find. It's a journey without a destination. And it is much easier to relinquish our ideas of truth when we recognize that objective truth just might be impossible to come by. Once you recognize that truth is subjective and personal, you will find it easier to shift your thoughts and ideas. You will be able to grow and you'll be more able to let others grow as well.

We need to recognize that change is essential to progression. Our lives become stagnant when we let our views and beliefs remain the same when our circumstances change or we are presented with new information. Our friends and family can often provide views that we wouldn't have otherwise considered. We need to realize that revising our thoughts and ideas isn't weakness, it's the strength to identify our faults and readjust. It's the wisdom to admit that we can't always access truth. It's the humility to understand that we might not always have the right answer.

So next time I am stubborn about my own views, I will take a step back and try to see things from another point of view. Because though it's hard to admit, mine isn't perfect, not even for myself.

confidence in your insecurities

We spend most of our lives doing two things. First, worrying about what other people think of us, and second, telling ourselves we shouldn't care. We preoccupy ourselves with others' perception of us and we often let them gauge our perceptions of ourselves.

Romantic comedies have conditioned me to expect a gorgeous, tall, dark-haired, light-eyed intellectual stranger to sweep me off my feet. They have conditioned me to believe that one day, the man of my dreams will take off my glasses and everyone will realize how beautiful I was the whole time. I have been conditioned to believe that perfect things and stories happen to ordinary people. It's not a bad hope to have, but it is a bad expectation. Chances are none of those things are going to happen for me (though I'm still hoping for the tall, gorgeous, intellectual stranger part). But I have been taught to believe that if things aren't going right, whether romantically, fiscally, emotionally, and so on, there is something fundamentally wrong with me. Not everything is going to go right in my life. And chances are, I am never going to be satisfied with the way I feel I am viewed by the world. But it's my job to tell myself not to care or worry.

The truth is I do care. I try not to let it affect the way I behave, but I do care. And that's not necessarily a problem.

I'm not here to tell you to stop caring what people think. In fact, I'm here to say that's a horrible idea. Care what people think of you. Care about how you treat others and how present yourself. It is okay to care if the cutie in your biology class thinks you're attractive. It's okay to be disappointed and confused when they don't. It's okay to want your roommates to think you are fun to talk to. It's okay to be a little sad when they don't like you that much. It is not a bad thing to care about your self-image. It's an important part of you. It will help you get jobs, achieve your goals, and make new friends. In fact, caring will probably guide you to becoming a better version of yourself.

A common fallacy perpetuated by both media and our peers is that we need to constantly have an "I don't give a... " attitude. We're not supposed to care what other people think. We're supposed to be self-absorbed and narcissistic. This attitude is also commonly paired with a superiority complex and a disregard for others. We're too busy not caring about what other people think of us to care how they feel about themselves. And in this we find a benefit to caring about what people think of us. When we are concerned about the way people view us, we are more concerned with how we treat them. We realize that the way the people around us feel about themselves is, to an extent, a reflection of our own character.

The trick is knowing when to not care. Don't let that silly boy who doesn't notice you make you think you are not worth noticing. Don't let that girl make you think you are not intelligent or that you don't have important things to say. Know that people will have their opinions of you, but they're just opinions. They are not fact. You design your own self. You are in control of how you broadcast yourself to others. However, you are not in control of their reception.

At this point in my life, I'm trying to figure out how to be confident without being conceited. In all honestly, I truly and deeply love myself. And I love the fact that I've reached this point of self-positivity. It's awesome. But I still have my bouts of insecurity. I get down on myself. I stress about my grades and how they reflect on my intelligence and motivation. I worry about the way I look and how I dress. I'm often anxious about social interactions. Loving yourself doesn't mean you are free from insecurity. Insecurity is natural. Truly loving yourself is realizing you have those insecurities and not letting them determine your self-worth.

So here's the trick. Know who you want to be and become that person. And if you are being the person you want to be, it shouldn't matter what other people think. Use the opinions of others to develop your ideal self, but remember that the most important person to please is you.