We spend most of our lives doing two things. First, worrying about what other people think of us, and second, telling ourselves we shouldn't care. We preoccupy ourselves with others' perception of us and we often let them gauge our perceptions of ourselves.
Romantic comedies have conditioned me to expect a gorgeous, tall, dark-haired, light-eyed intellectual stranger to sweep me off my feet. They have conditioned me to believe that one day, the man of my dreams will take off my glasses and everyone will realize how beautiful I was the whole time. I have been conditioned to believe that perfect things and stories happen to ordinary people. It's not a bad hope to have, but it is a bad expectation. Chances are none of those things are going to happen for me (though I'm still hoping for the tall, gorgeous, intellectual stranger part). But I have been taught to believe that if things aren't going right, whether romantically, fiscally, emotionally, and so on, there is something fundamentally wrong with me. Not everything is going to go right in my life. And chances are, I am never going to be satisfied with the way I feel I am viewed by the world. But it's my job to tell myself not to care or worry.
The truth is I do care. I try not to let it affect the way I behave, but I do care. And that's not necessarily a problem.
I'm not here to tell you to stop caring what people think. In fact, I'm here to say that's a horrible idea. Care what people think of you. Care about how you treat others and how present yourself. It is okay to care if the cutie in your biology class thinks you're attractive. It's okay to be disappointed and confused when they don't. It's okay to want your roommates to think you are fun to talk to. It's okay to be a little sad when they don't like you that much. It is not a bad thing to care about your self-image. It's an important part of you. It will help you get jobs, achieve your goals, and make new friends. In fact, caring will probably guide you to becoming a better version of yourself.
A common fallacy perpetuated by both media and our peers is that we need to constantly have an "I don't give a... " attitude. We're not supposed to care what other people think. We're supposed to be self-absorbed and narcissistic. This attitude is also commonly paired with a superiority complex and a disregard for others. We're too busy not caring about what other people think of us to care how they feel about themselves. And in this we find a benefit to caring about what people think of us. When we are concerned about the way people view us, we are more concerned with how we treat them. We realize that the way the people around us feel about themselves is, to an extent, a reflection of our own character.
The trick is knowing when to not care. Don't let that silly boy who doesn't notice you make you think you are not worth noticing. Don't let that girl make you think you are not intelligent or that you don't have important things to say. Know that people will have their opinions of you, but they're just opinions. They are not fact. You design your own self. You are in control of how you broadcast yourself to others. However, you are not in control of their reception.
At this point in my life, I'm trying to figure out how to be confident without being conceited. In all honestly, I truly and deeply love myself. And I love the fact that I've reached this point of self-positivity. It's awesome. But I still have my bouts of insecurity. I get down on myself. I stress about my grades and how they reflect on my intelligence and motivation. I worry about the way I look and how I dress. I'm often anxious about social interactions. Loving yourself doesn't mean you are free from insecurity. Insecurity is natural. Truly loving yourself is realizing you have those insecurities and not letting them determine your self-worth.
So here's the trick. Know who you want to be and become that person. And if you are being the person you want to be, it shouldn't matter what other people think. Use the opinions of others to develop your ideal self, but remember that the most important person to please is you.
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