imaginary friends

One of the biggest mistakes we make as humans is thinking that others are exactly how we perceive them. We tend to assume that they really are what we think they are and what we think they should be. When we imagine others, we tend to ascribe them characteristics we have ourselves. We're a lot better at looking at people as if they are mirrors rather than looking at them like people. We want them to be like us because it makes them easier to understand. But when we imagine people, we rarely imagine correctly. 

Humans are complicated creatures. It's the reason I've chosen psychology as my field of study and interest. I find the complexities of human nature fascinating. But these complexities make it extremely difficult to understand each other. No matter how desperately we want to fully understand one another, it is impossible to do so unless each party is completely transparent. And transparency is rare. We like to tuck away pieces of ourselves so that no one will see them. And unless we are clear about ourselves, we cannot expect others to be as well. When we hide so much of ourselves away from the public, we allow this imagining and misimagining to happen. And sometimes we want it to. We love being mysterious and we are enthralled when other people are as well. We don't want to be completely open because we don't want to lose our grip on our own mystery.  

I've often referred to myself as a walking paradox, as if I am not allowed to contradict myself. I refer to my paradoxical qualities as if it is unique for someone to have so many facets. It's not, so why do we tell ourselves so? In addition to imagining others, we also simplify them. And when we simplify others, we expect ourselves to be simple as well. But we aren't. Simplicity isn't in human nature and it never has been. We are complicated, mentally, physically, and emotionally. But we boil ourselves down to a list of labels both self-ascribed and given to us. We expect these labels to encompass our personality and being, but its hard to accurately describe a living, breathing creature with a list of adjectives. 

And when we assume that human nature is simple and easily explained, we miss out on a lot of the beauty of character. Instead of realizing the vastness of possibility in others, we simplify them to fit our own understanding. It's dangerous. We end up disappointed when someone doesn't behave in the way we expect. We are surprised when they are more complicated than we want them to be. Life would be much less difficult if humans were just easier to understand.

But we lose a lot when we simplify things. Beauty is found in the complexity. If humans were simple, how would we hold someone's interest? Why would we want to get to know a person better if we already understood them fully?

The truth is, imagining is inevitable. Humans are complex and it's hard to get to know someone well enough to not need to imagine parts of them. And imagining is fun. We get to wonder about who a person is and we get to learn about them as we interact with them. They are like a puzzle with infinite pieces and we get to put it together as we spend time with them. But it's also a puzzle that will never be completed. We will always be missing pieces of them and we won't ever be able to see the full picture. So we imagine it, whether we're right or wrong. We imagine their beauty and their flaws. We try to explain them without all of their pieces.

So misimagining is inevitable too. When we can't see everything as it is, we are bound to fill in the blanks with wrong ideas. The key is to be prepared for these mistakes. We just can't be too frustrated or upset when we get something wrong. We can't let our own misinterpretations get in the way of trying to further understand someone. The fun thing about imagination is you can always revise. The world is full of people, "each of them imaginable and consistently misimagined." But that doesn't mean we should stop imagining.

I hate "millennials"

Recently, people have been keen to blame problems in the world on an entire generation, specifically generation y, or generationals, or millennials. Whichever term you choose, it's probably used to demonize an entire age group of individuals.

But I'm not here to trash talk on a group of people I'm included in. I'm here to explain to you why these terms are not doing anything to help whatever problems you believe we may have caused. And that you can't really blame us for those problems anyway.

So yes, it's true. I hate millennials. The word. It's wrought with condescension and blame. And it does nothing to solve any perceived problems, especially when people included in the title use it mock their peers. (But for the lack of a better term, I will use it quite begrudgingly throughout this post)

The problem is, most of these complaints not even that accurate, at least from my experience. These complaints involve our proclivity for technology, our work ethic, our self-involvement, our lack of interest in marriage, and our moral and ethical beliefs. And because I can, I'm gonna break each of these down.

1. Technology: One of the most common complaints about millennials is our attachment to our phones. We have had the privilege of growing up in a time of exponential technological advancement, much of it provided by the generation above us. But then, when we use this technology, we are ridiculed for it. So the first this to note is without the generation who's complaining about or technology usage, we wouldn't even have a lot of that technology at our disposal. You can't just give us access to this kind of knowledge and communication and then become upset when we use it. Second, this technology provides us with unlimited information, communication, and outlets for creativity. Can you blame us for wanting to keep that access close? Given, there are times when our use of these technologies is excessive and unproductive. But you created it for us. Stop complaining that you don't like the way we are using it.

2. Work Ethic: I have heard many complaints about how my generation is too dependent on parents and others to be able to establish ourselves. We're entitled and as such, we are unable to work for our success. We're lazy and we just want everything handed to us. My first argument against this is that the population used to formulate this stereotype is not representative of the whole. They do exist but mind you, laziness is not something unique to the millennial generation. So maybe it's just the people I associate with, but my friends and acquaintances in my age group happen to be some of the most hardworking people I know. Starting at a young age, I have been surrounded by individuals who place their academic success before just about everything else in their lives. Many of my friends have neglected aspects of their social, mental, and physical well-being in order to be successful in their educational pursuits. And that kind of devotion is carried on to their careers. Most of the millennials I know are determined to do well for themselves, whether that means graduate level education or just finding a job to support themselves. As a whole, we are not a lazy generation. We work hard and have our sights set pretty dang high.

3. Self-Involvement: We are selfish. We only care about ourselves. But once again, unless I am only surrounded by the best of my generation, this isn't completely true. I would say that we have a tendency to care quite a bit about ourselves and our own successes. We were born into a corporate-driven marketplace. Unless we are a little self-involved, we aren't going to be very successful in our careers. But just because we are a little more concerned with our own advancements, doesn't mean we aren't concerned about others as well. Many of the millennials I know are quite supportive and service oriented. In fact, with the help of social media, millennials have sparked various positivity movements in order to support and love others. We really do care about things other than ourselves, whether it's seen or not.

4. Marriage and Family: Another complaint about millennials is that we are not as focused on marriage as we are expected or ought to be. We are getting married later or not getting married at all. We are called out for wanting to establish careers before we commit to a marriage relationship. And this is being made out to be a bad thing. First of all, there are a lot of millennials who are scared of that degree of commitment. We have grown up in a world where divorce is almost more common than a lasting marriage relationship. When we see divorce and the strife it causes for individuals and families, it is reasonable that we might want to take a bit more precaution in making those kinds of decisions. Second, many millennials focus on careers and establishing independence now so they can better provide for their families in the future. One of the most common issues in a marriage is finances, so maybe working those out beforehand isn't such a bad idea. I'm not knocking those who choose to get married early, but there just might be some merit to waiting.

5. Morals and Ethics: I'm not going to be the one to argue that our world isn't falling into a state of moral decay. There's evidence everywhere that morality is falling short to misconstrued independence and freedom. Specifically with sexuality, many are inclined to throw out moral standing and claim freedom of choice in regards to what is down with one's body. There is an astounding amount of violence and hate present in our communities. And people are claiming discrimination as freedom of speech. Politics are flooded with conflict rather than compromise. But millennials are very outspoken about issues that mean a lot to them. Sexual liberty is being used to combat gender roles, stereotypes, and double standards. People are coming together to protest violence and hatred. We are fighting for what we believe in and we are standing up for ourselves and for our worth. Arguments against millennial ideas of morals and ethics are most likely stemming from the clear differences from past generations. But we are in a changing world and we are just reacting to that change. 

But overall, the biggest problem with blaming and calling millennials out on these issues is not the specifics, but the fact that it is happening at all. When you grow up hearing something being said about yourself over and over, it's hard not to believe it. If we continue to tell millennials and proceeding generations that they are lazy, entitled, self-involved, and immoral, they just might start to believe they are. And that does nothing to resolve these issues, it merely perpetuates them. 

It is likely that the torch will be passed on and when I am middle aged, I will also complain about the young ones of the world and their hover-cars, holograms, and whatever other futuristic devices may have been invented. But I sincerely hope, that instead of slandering them and blaming them for issues that may not even be their fault, I will encourage them to create a better future. Because you can't really build something (or someone) up by tearing them down. It just doesn't work.