why I love selfies

There are three types of selfie takers in this world.

1. The people who take selfies infrequently and are self-righteous about it.

2. The people who do take selfies often and lie about it.

3. The people who take selfies regularly and post about it.

If you say you don't fall into any of these categories, you're probably a number 1 and you're in denial of your self-righteousness or you're a number 2 and you're still lying about it. As for me, I would say I fall into category two. Though I don't take selfies super often, most of the ones I take never see the light of day. The last purely vain selfie I posted was in September. But though the selfie culture gets a lot of hate, most of us have participated and I think there may be some pros to it.

First, we need to stop blaming millennials for selfie culture. The truth is selfies have been around for ages, they just weren't called selfies back then. Before the camera, people of nobility would hire artists to paint portraits of themselves to hang in their homes. These ancient selfies would take hours to produce. You'd have to love yourself a ton to stand for hours while an artist paints a photo of you. Thank goodness it's a lot faster now.


(Portrait d'une noble génoise)

After the camera was invented, selfies started early. Taken in 1839, this is the first known selfie.



It's a pretty good one, if I do say so myself. And don't think for a moment that mirror selfies are merely a thing of the modern day. Not even the earliest of its kind, here's a mirror selfie from 1900.


(see more at http://www.news.com.au/technology/these-old-selfies-dating-back-to-the-1800s-will-blow-your-mind/story-e6frfro0-1226741497253)

#OOTD #ModestIsHottest #HideTheAnkles

Selfies are not a millennial invention? Who knew? But though we didn't invent the selfie, we certainly have redefined it. With front-facing cameras, color technology, editing software and a plethora of filters, we have made selfies a form of self-expression and a way to raise self esteem.

When you really think about it, the willingness to post a picture of yourself on the internet, to an audience of hundreds to thousands to potentially millions of people takes quite a bit of confidence. Not only are you sharing a close-up of your face: beauty, flaws, and all. But you are opening yourself up for criticism whether you ever hear about it or not. Selfie posting can be a mask for some to hide unhappiness or fear, but for others it takes off the mask. It displays themselves to the world, showing that they love themselves and want everyone to know. For me, posting a selfie usually equates to me wanting to show myself off because I feel good.

Selfies can also encourage creativity. There are so many aspects of a selfie that are chosen by the taker. The angle that the photo is taken, the lighting, the facial expressions, the coloration, the filtering, the caption and more. Though not a typical art form (and many wouldn't dare regard as art), people are able to express themselves through the pictures they take. They are able to create an image that is not only of their own creation, but they are the subject as well. It is purely themselves.

I think that's why I get a little defensive when someone remarks condescendingly about selfie-taking. The truth is I am a huge supporter of the culture. People are posting themselves in a way that they have created (probably with some assistance from Instagram or other editing apps). But if someone feels good enough about themselves to post a picture that opens them up to hatred and criticism from their online friends, who am I to complain about it being on my news feed? Post on, my narcissistic, creative, beautiful friends, post on.

small and simple things

To premise this post I want anyone reading to rid their mind of previous biases. Try to be open to different ideas and criticism.

With the current Michael Brown case, there has been an explosion of people calling for change. People are protesting for justice for Brown and change in policy among police departments around the country. And I do believe these are honorable causes, but I'm not entirely sure that the protesting is progressive in most cases.

The most obvious of the destructive protesting is the rioting that occurred after the grand jury decision not to indict Officer Darren Wilson was announced. Businesses were looted and destroyed, hundreds of people were arrested around the country, and even one young man was found shot and burned. This kind of protesting, though clearly a minority, does not help Michael Brown's case in any way. First of all, it destroys the lives of hundreds to thousands of other people. Ruining the lives of others does not make yours better. Secondly, it does not improve the image of the community. Unfortunately, this kind of behavior only enforces stereotypes, true or false. Though it is an unfortunate facet, there is still discrimination and racism perpetuated throughout our society. 

But we cannot simply delete racism at will. Multiple things need to happen and it will be a process. First, we need to recognize that an individual is not representative of a whole. Generalizing leads to stereotyping. Next, we need to focus on similarities rather than differences. Once the similarities are recognized, then we will be able to celebrate the differences. And the third change I will suggest, though there are many more changes to be made, is that the media needs to treat all cases equally. The augmentation of stories based on the race of the individuals involved only perpetuates inequality.

Okay, now this is where this article gets even more controversial than it already is. Clearly violent protesting is not positive in any way. Yet, I personally believe that peaceful protesting isn't very helpful to most causes either. It definitely doesn't do any harm and it makes a statement, but I feel it is more stagnant than progressive. For example, in my home town of Wichita, Kansas there have been several protests in the past week. For one, members of the Wichita State University community were encouraged to wear black to openly show their support of Michael Brown and their demand for justice. Another occurred at Wichita East High School in which students laid out on the grounds for 4.5 minutes to represent the 4.5 hours the Michael Brown's body lay in the street. I am in no way opposed to these demonstrations and I think it is great the young people are not only forming opinions but publicly declaring them. However, I'm worried that these kinds of demonstrations are merely a way for people to feel like their making a difference when they aren't actually propelling the cause in any way. Change has to be sought specifically. Merely posting a status that you are demanding justice for Michael Brown, or wearing a certain color in honor of lost lives, or laying in the grass to represent the tragic events doesn't actually create justice or change. Words can be powerful, but words without action are easily lost. 

What is needed is powerful and positive action. One of the other protests in Wichita did just this. Many people gathered together to demand that police be required to wear cameras while patrolling. This protest had a fixed cause. It calls for a small and specific change that will eventually create a much larger change in the justice system. It is these small, specific, and direct demands and demonstrations that will bring about the most results. Unfortunately, simply calling for justice will most likely not incite change. The call for justice will be best satisfied when the road is taken one step at a time. Though it is hard to be patient in a situation in which lives may be lost, we must recognize that change is usually not abrupt. It takes time, but it will happen.

"Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise. And the Lord God doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very small means the Lord doth confound the wise and bringeth about the salvation of many souls." Alma 37:6-7 

#relationshipgoals

If you've been on any social media platform in the last month you've probably seen this recent posting fad. Many people, specifically teenage girls, have participated in this by posting the hashtag #relationshipgoals with something that they desire in a relationship. It is totally fine to have things that you like or look for in a relationship, but I think this trend may have taken things a bit too far. Most of these posts that I see depict pretty unrealistic expectations, but, guess what, no one is that perfect.

I've only been in one relationship, currently my love life is basically non-existent, and I'm pretty sure I'm the worst flirter to ever walk this earth, but even though discrediting yourself is a horrible writing technique, I'm gonna admit to not being the most knowledgeable on the subject. But I do know this, if your expectations for a significant other are too high, you are always gonna end up disappointed. Relationships aren't meant to be perfect and we need to stop expecting them to be.

I really just want girls to know that though they may get the cute romantic gesture every once in a while, you can't always expect it. Not every boy has perfect abs or gorgeous hair. Sometimes they space things and don't tell you how they feel. So if you want to be happier, have more realistic goals. Don't ever lower your standards, but maybe lower your expectations a bit.

So I want to share a couple of my #relationshipgoals...

1. I want to be with someone that I can argue with one minute (because it will happen) but then turn around and be fine the next. No grudges.

2. I want to be with someone who loves their family.

3. I want to be with someone who will love me as I am, but also not be afraid to tell me when I'm acting ridiculous.

4. I want someone who loves God, knows what they believe and lives it.

5. I want to be with someone who knows when to be serious and when to have fun.

6. I want to be with someone who treats the entire female population with respect.

The list could continue for a while, because I am a girl and it's what we do. But maybe we don't have to be so materialistic or high-maintenance. Stop expecting giant bouquets of flowers or expensive jewelry or rippling pectorals. Expect love, respect, care, loyalty, honesty, etc. Expect the things that truly matter. And to all the fellas out there, this goes to you too. Girls can be crazy and sensitive and vague and clingy and imperfect. None of us have perfect bodies. Sometimes our hair gets messy. Sometimes we'll say things that hurt you. But we do care.

No one's perfect and it's not fair to expect it. Expect trials and faults. Find the person that makes it all worth it. And when it comes to showing that you care, just remember that it's the little things that mean the most.

my height has nothing to do with you

As a girl towering at approximately 5'10", which isn't really that tall mind you, I have heard every single tall joke in the book. I have to order my pants online because stores don't sell my inseam on site, I've nicknamed my legs the twin towers, I am asked on a regular basis to reach things in high places, and if I were to wear all green I would look like asparagus. But considering I've been in the 90+ percentile for height literally since I was born (I was a very long baby), I've gotten used to these things. But there's one comment that bugs me like none other.

"You're too tall."

I mostly get this one when I'm wearing heels, but that's not always the case. And even so, it doesn't matter. My height and the shoes I choose to wear have absolutely nothing to do with you.

I am tall, yes. It's in my genes and I can't change that. Many times I've told my 6'2" father that it's his fault and his response it almost always something along the lines of "it's not my fault, it's my gift.
" And you know what? He's right. My height is something I often complain about, but I really shouldn't. It's not anyone's fault because there's no fault in it. My height is a beautiful thing that makes me, me. I shouldn't blame my father, I should thank him. So thanks, pops.

But back to the irrefutable fact that I cannot change my height. I'd like to point out that making a comment such as, "you're too tall" has no effect on that either. No matter what height you think I should be, I will never be able to please you. Unless, of course, you like the height I am, then we're cool. But I totally understand how wearing heels makes me even taller than I already am and some people don't understand why that's necessary. I get that. In my tallest pair, I'm probably somewhere between 6'2" and 6'3". But I don't wear them so I'm taller, I wear them because I feel good in them. They honestly boost my confidence. So I'm not going to stop wearing shoes that I like and make me feel good because they make me taller than most of the male population. It's not that important to me. I can't change myself because you're not happy with what I am. And even if I could, I most definitely wouldn't do it anyway. No matter how much I complain about my height and the struggles it brings, I like myself the way I am. And I will continue to wear heels no matter what anyone says about it, because let's be real, I look freaking hot in them.

But this comment still bothers me. And due to the offense it causes, most likely not on purpose by those making the comments, I have developed a theory. First I narrowed down the population of those people making comments like these. I hear remarks about my height from just about everyone, young an old, male and female. But I've discovered that the tone of their words is different based on the demographic. Young children always seem to be in awe. Women and older men are usually complimentary. Young men that are taller than me are most often complimentary as well and sometimes a bit flirtatious. But men who are shorter than me are pretty much always condescending. Almost like "how dare you be taller than me" like I have a real choice in the matter. So I have concluded that often these men make these comments because my height makes them feel inferior; that somehow me being taller than them makes them less of a man. But I'm gonna be brutally honest here. If my height emasculates you in any way, you probably weren't doing too well in the first place. Why would you define yourself based on the traits of others? I am no less of a woman because I am taller than you, just as you are no less of a man for being shorter than me. So stop thinking so. You don't need to be taller than me to feel like a man. However, I do understand if you're a bit jealous.. ;)

Also, I would like to ask any guilty persons reading this to think more about what they are saying to a person before they say it. Telling me that I am too tall is like going up to someone and saying "you're too black" or "you're too fat." Would you do that? I sure hope not. Pointing out faults you see in someone that they have no power over is rude and essentially useless. It does nothing to change what they are and often makes them feel guilty for being that way. I honestly have felt guilty for my height because of some of the things people have said to me and that's not okay. And this applies to so many other things. You may not think that what you are saying will offend someone, but think from their perspective before you speak. Our words are powerful in both positive and negative ways. Make sure the words you choose to say aren't going to tear anyone down. And don't get me wrong, I need to work on it too.

the real scandal

Pretty much ever since I made this blog yesterday, my mind has been swirling with ideas of things I want to say. Most blogs seem to cover the events of daily life, but since my life is relatively routine and boring, I’ll probably just discuss issues that I’m passionate about and think are pertinent. One of the first ideas I wanted to write about is ABC’s show Scandal, which is growing in popularity quite rapidly. I honestly love this show mostly because the drama of it fills the void of excitement in my life. It’s dramatic and intense and freaking awesome. But nothing is perfect, not even Olivia Pope. 

Olivia Pope, the main character of Scandal, is the quintessence of a strong independent woman in the modern world. She runs her own business, makes her own decisions, and has a lot of power in the political world. She works mainly with the politicians of Washington, D.C. and all of the scandals involved in political life. Essentially she is a lawyer, though this is not what she calls herself. Her job is to make problems go away. And due to her presence in the political, media, and social worlds of D.C., she has the power to do so. Yet, even with all this power, she is still affected by rape culture. I don’t think ABC is necessarily trying to perpetuate this culture, but I personally think they might need to reevaluate some of the ways they approach love.

I want to talk about two ways in which this issue could be viewed. I will discuss the more negative view so this post doesn’t end on too horrible of a note. The more negative view is that Olivia, despite her power and independence, still needs the love of a man to feel validated, sending the message to young girls that their lives are not actually complete unless there is a male presence. Which, by the way, is blatantly false. I strongly believe that the partnership of a romantic relationship should be all about balance. It should be a relationship in which you don’t necessarily need each other, but the love is so strong that you wouldn’t want a life without them. But this love and necessity are two different things. Love isn’t needing someone to be there for you, it’s being there for someone else. The relationship between Olivia and Fitzgerald Grant, who just happens to be the President of the United States, is solely based on Fitz’s physical desire for Olivia and her eventual surrender to his advances. Honestly, I’m obsessed with the show, but every time there is a scene like this I want to pull my hair out. I’ll try and paint a picture of a generic interaction between these two to hopefully help you to understand why I feel this way. So imagine these two standing in the Oval Office alone. They’re arguing about something political and scandalous, when the President decides that it’s time to stop arguing and start making out. Olivia tells him to stop, emphasizing that the behavior is inappropriate. Keep in mind that it has been previously established that these two really do love each other. But as Olivia is rejecting Fitz’s advances, he refuses to subside. Eventually, Olivia will kiss him back, often stepping away soon after, realizing her mistake. But here’s the question, is Fitz sexually assaulting Olivia? Here’s the lesson to all the dudes reading this (and you women too because this is not a one-sided issue). 1. If you answered with a definite no to the aforementioned question, I would kindly ask you to not talk to me until you learn why you are wrong. 2. If you try to kiss someone and they tell you to stop, you stop. No questions asked. You are not entitled to physical intimacy with anyone. A few weeks ago, the very outspoken, Rush Limbaugh said this: “No means yes if you know how to spot it” (Jones). Okay sir, so if I ask you to punch you in the face and you say no, I’m gonna “spot” that as a yes and go ahead and punch you with all I’ve got, okay? No means no. I honestly don’t understand why that’s so hard for some people to wrap their heads around. But back to the point I was trying to make. Olivia’s reluctance to Fitz needs to be respected. Even though these two are supposedly in love, Fitz has no right to continue after being told to stop. The fact that she is submissive after sufficient coercion gives the message that if you continue trying, even if your partner is opposed, eventually you’ll get what you want. Not cool, ABC, not cool. 

The other direction I wanted to go with interpreting the dynamics of this relationship and on a more positive and informative note, Olivia’s submission can be regarded as a warning to potential victims of sexual assault. No matter how strong you may be or may think you are, you can still be affected by these situations. Olivia is a strong, positive female role in most aspects of her character. She even mentions her lack of need for a love life because she has her job and her friends. But somehow, she still falls victim to unwanted advances, showing that your life can be totally in order and you can be strong, yet still become a victim. This sends a message more focused on awareness. Simply being aware of what situations you put yourself in can be so much help in the prevention of these problems. I don’t necessarily want to discredit ABC, but I have the unfortunate feeling this wasn't the intended message, especially since the issue of rape is dealt with in another instance on the show. In fact, I don’t think they are trying to send a message on rape with this relationship at all. Which makes the issue even more severe. In this show, and in plenty of other media, rape culture is silently perpetuated and it needs to stop. The final line is that any intimacy that is not consensual is unacceptable. And as soon as the media stops inadvertently sending messages that contradict this, the better off we’ll all be. 

So to close up this long and rant-like post, I want to leave you with a message of my own: Ladies and gentlemen, be strong, be aware, and be respectful. Peace and blessings. 

References

Jones, Allie. “Limbaugh on Sexual Assault: 'No Means Yes If You Know How To Spot It'.” 

Gawker. 15 September, 2014.

I've come to the dark side...

So there I was, sitting at work on a slow Wednesday morning, thinking about how I have no idea what I want to do for a career when I decided this would be a good idea. Within the past few weeks I've been even more confused than normal because that’s what college does to you; it makes you question literally everything in your life. So as many of you know I've considered a lot of career paths, most of which involve studying or working with serial killers in some aspect because I am strangely obsessed. But I have also considered school counseling. And recently I have been considering some other options as well, including but not limited to: blanket fort architect, Disney princess, beach bum, or anything at Google merely because of their crazy awesome environment. These are all viable options, right? Right?? Unfortunately, I should probably be a little more realistic because the demand for experts in blanket fort architecture are not the highest right now. So I got to thinking about writing. I really haven’t been one to write a ton recreationally, but I have dabbled (aka dramatic middle school literature in which ALL the boys were into my fictional alter ego. I was dreamin big then, y’all). And, for the record, I have written in my journal at least once a month for over a year. Actual miracle, guys. But according to various teachers and assignment grades, I’m not too shabby at this whole writing thing. And it is a huge part of psychology no matter what area you go into. Not exactly this type of writing per say. In fact, the complete opposite of this type of writing. But, since it seems like the stereotypical Mormon girl thing to do and the best way to improve your writing is to write, I’m starting a blog. If I were really motivated and professional, I would promise something like weekly posts, but I am not so I cannot do such a thing. I also can’t promise consistency in topics or writing style, but I can promise you that this will be an adventure. What can I say? I like to keep the people on their toes.