imaginary friends

One of the biggest mistakes we make as humans is thinking that others are exactly how we perceive them. We tend to assume that they really are what we think they are and what we think they should be. When we imagine others, we tend to ascribe them characteristics we have ourselves. We're a lot better at looking at people as if they are mirrors rather than looking at them like people. We want them to be like us because it makes them easier to understand. But when we imagine people, we rarely imagine correctly. 

Humans are complicated creatures. It's the reason I've chosen psychology as my field of study and interest. I find the complexities of human nature fascinating. But these complexities make it extremely difficult to understand each other. No matter how desperately we want to fully understand one another, it is impossible to do so unless each party is completely transparent. And transparency is rare. We like to tuck away pieces of ourselves so that no one will see them. And unless we are clear about ourselves, we cannot expect others to be as well. When we hide so much of ourselves away from the public, we allow this imagining and misimagining to happen. And sometimes we want it to. We love being mysterious and we are enthralled when other people are as well. We don't want to be completely open because we don't want to lose our grip on our own mystery.  

I've often referred to myself as a walking paradox, as if I am not allowed to contradict myself. I refer to my paradoxical qualities as if it is unique for someone to have so many facets. It's not, so why do we tell ourselves so? In addition to imagining others, we also simplify them. And when we simplify others, we expect ourselves to be simple as well. But we aren't. Simplicity isn't in human nature and it never has been. We are complicated, mentally, physically, and emotionally. But we boil ourselves down to a list of labels both self-ascribed and given to us. We expect these labels to encompass our personality and being, but its hard to accurately describe a living, breathing creature with a list of adjectives. 

And when we assume that human nature is simple and easily explained, we miss out on a lot of the beauty of character. Instead of realizing the vastness of possibility in others, we simplify them to fit our own understanding. It's dangerous. We end up disappointed when someone doesn't behave in the way we expect. We are surprised when they are more complicated than we want them to be. Life would be much less difficult if humans were just easier to understand.

But we lose a lot when we simplify things. Beauty is found in the complexity. If humans were simple, how would we hold someone's interest? Why would we want to get to know a person better if we already understood them fully?

The truth is, imagining is inevitable. Humans are complex and it's hard to get to know someone well enough to not need to imagine parts of them. And imagining is fun. We get to wonder about who a person is and we get to learn about them as we interact with them. They are like a puzzle with infinite pieces and we get to put it together as we spend time with them. But it's also a puzzle that will never be completed. We will always be missing pieces of them and we won't ever be able to see the full picture. So we imagine it, whether we're right or wrong. We imagine their beauty and their flaws. We try to explain them without all of their pieces.

So misimagining is inevitable too. When we can't see everything as it is, we are bound to fill in the blanks with wrong ideas. The key is to be prepared for these mistakes. We just can't be too frustrated or upset when we get something wrong. We can't let our own misinterpretations get in the way of trying to further understand someone. The fun thing about imagination is you can always revise. The world is full of people, "each of them imaginable and consistently misimagined." But that doesn't mean we should stop imagining.

I hate "millennials"

Recently, people have been keen to blame problems in the world on an entire generation, specifically generation y, or generationals, or millennials. Whichever term you choose, it's probably used to demonize an entire age group of individuals.

But I'm not here to trash talk on a group of people I'm included in. I'm here to explain to you why these terms are not doing anything to help whatever problems you believe we may have caused. And that you can't really blame us for those problems anyway.

So yes, it's true. I hate millennials. The word. It's wrought with condescension and blame. And it does nothing to solve any perceived problems, especially when people included in the title use it mock their peers. (But for the lack of a better term, I will use it quite begrudgingly throughout this post)

The problem is, most of these complaints not even that accurate, at least from my experience. These complaints involve our proclivity for technology, our work ethic, our self-involvement, our lack of interest in marriage, and our moral and ethical beliefs. And because I can, I'm gonna break each of these down.

1. Technology: One of the most common complaints about millennials is our attachment to our phones. We have had the privilege of growing up in a time of exponential technological advancement, much of it provided by the generation above us. But then, when we use this technology, we are ridiculed for it. So the first this to note is without the generation who's complaining about or technology usage, we wouldn't even have a lot of that technology at our disposal. You can't just give us access to this kind of knowledge and communication and then become upset when we use it. Second, this technology provides us with unlimited information, communication, and outlets for creativity. Can you blame us for wanting to keep that access close? Given, there are times when our use of these technologies is excessive and unproductive. But you created it for us. Stop complaining that you don't like the way we are using it.

2. Work Ethic: I have heard many complaints about how my generation is too dependent on parents and others to be able to establish ourselves. We're entitled and as such, we are unable to work for our success. We're lazy and we just want everything handed to us. My first argument against this is that the population used to formulate this stereotype is not representative of the whole. They do exist but mind you, laziness is not something unique to the millennial generation. So maybe it's just the people I associate with, but my friends and acquaintances in my age group happen to be some of the most hardworking people I know. Starting at a young age, I have been surrounded by individuals who place their academic success before just about everything else in their lives. Many of my friends have neglected aspects of their social, mental, and physical well-being in order to be successful in their educational pursuits. And that kind of devotion is carried on to their careers. Most of the millennials I know are determined to do well for themselves, whether that means graduate level education or just finding a job to support themselves. As a whole, we are not a lazy generation. We work hard and have our sights set pretty dang high.

3. Self-Involvement: We are selfish. We only care about ourselves. But once again, unless I am only surrounded by the best of my generation, this isn't completely true. I would say that we have a tendency to care quite a bit about ourselves and our own successes. We were born into a corporate-driven marketplace. Unless we are a little self-involved, we aren't going to be very successful in our careers. But just because we are a little more concerned with our own advancements, doesn't mean we aren't concerned about others as well. Many of the millennials I know are quite supportive and service oriented. In fact, with the help of social media, millennials have sparked various positivity movements in order to support and love others. We really do care about things other than ourselves, whether it's seen or not.

4. Marriage and Family: Another complaint about millennials is that we are not as focused on marriage as we are expected or ought to be. We are getting married later or not getting married at all. We are called out for wanting to establish careers before we commit to a marriage relationship. And this is being made out to be a bad thing. First of all, there are a lot of millennials who are scared of that degree of commitment. We have grown up in a world where divorce is almost more common than a lasting marriage relationship. When we see divorce and the strife it causes for individuals and families, it is reasonable that we might want to take a bit more precaution in making those kinds of decisions. Second, many millennials focus on careers and establishing independence now so they can better provide for their families in the future. One of the most common issues in a marriage is finances, so maybe working those out beforehand isn't such a bad idea. I'm not knocking those who choose to get married early, but there just might be some merit to waiting.

5. Morals and Ethics: I'm not going to be the one to argue that our world isn't falling into a state of moral decay. There's evidence everywhere that morality is falling short to misconstrued independence and freedom. Specifically with sexuality, many are inclined to throw out moral standing and claim freedom of choice in regards to what is down with one's body. There is an astounding amount of violence and hate present in our communities. And people are claiming discrimination as freedom of speech. Politics are flooded with conflict rather than compromise. But millennials are very outspoken about issues that mean a lot to them. Sexual liberty is being used to combat gender roles, stereotypes, and double standards. People are coming together to protest violence and hatred. We are fighting for what we believe in and we are standing up for ourselves and for our worth. Arguments against millennial ideas of morals and ethics are most likely stemming from the clear differences from past generations. But we are in a changing world and we are just reacting to that change. 

But overall, the biggest problem with blaming and calling millennials out on these issues is not the specifics, but the fact that it is happening at all. When you grow up hearing something being said about yourself over and over, it's hard not to believe it. If we continue to tell millennials and proceeding generations that they are lazy, entitled, self-involved, and immoral, they just might start to believe they are. And that does nothing to resolve these issues, it merely perpetuates them. 

It is likely that the torch will be passed on and when I am middle aged, I will also complain about the young ones of the world and their hover-cars, holograms, and whatever other futuristic devices may have been invented. But I sincerely hope, that instead of slandering them and blaming them for issues that may not even be their fault, I will encourage them to create a better future. Because you can't really build something (or someone) up by tearing them down. It just doesn't work.

what is white culture?

This is a touchy subject. As soon as you bring up culture people get defensive about what belongs to them and what other people should not be allowed to wear, participate in, or say. Culture is becoming a possessive statement rather than an expressive one. It's all about what you can do and what others aren't allowed to do. And whether you like to face it or not, the only individuals I've seen targeted for cultural appropriation are white (though I'm sure non-white individuals have been accused somewhere).

And I'm not saying white individuals are not guilty of being offensive in this way. The Kardashians have done plenty of offensive things and their pretty unapologetic about it. The film industry also has a nasty habit of casting white individuals as ethnic characters. We're far from perfect in our treatment of individuals versus the treatment of their cultures. Amandla Stenberg put it well when she proposed the question, "What would America be like if it loved black people as much as it loves black culture?" This can be extended to other groups as well and it is an excellent starting point for self-reflection.

So let me preface this. There is no such thing as reverse racism. Racism refers to the systematic oppression of an entire race based on the fact that they are that race. It's something I've never experienced and most likely won't experience. White people have never been oppressed for being white. White women have been oppressed for being women. White homosexuals have been oppressed for being homosexual. But never because of white skin or race.

And it's important that we are aware of that privilege. Take for example the gender wage gap. We are told that women make approximately 78 cents to the male dollar. But that's the statistic for white women. Black American women make about 64 cents to the white male dollar, and Hispanic women make about 53 cents to the white male dollar. Even as a white woman, I am privileged in my oppression.

But this does not mean that white individuals are not stereotyped. White skin is not a protective factor from stereotyping or prejudice. We've all heard how white people can't dance and how much white girls love their Starbucks. People joke quite a bit about the way white guys flirt (which can be pretty funny, but that's a conversation for another time). The point is these are all stereotypes. They are seemingly harmless, but they do exist.

In fact, any time you call out a specific group of people and attach them to a blanket statement, you are stereotyping, whether you find it harmless or not. And when white individuals point out these issues, they are labeled as whiny. Which at face value may be true. Me complaining about the stereotype that white girls love Starbucks too much is pretty dang whiny. But there's a bigger issue at hand. It's the fact that we allow these statements and others like them targeting all kinds of people to be repeated. By continuing stereotyping, we polarize ourselves.

The issue is the way things are handled. We like to attack each other rather than educating. And this causes more problems than it solves.

But going back to cultural appropriation, here's a question I have. If white people are guilty of appropriating the culture of others, what is their own culture*? And can it be appropriated?

Because if a white individual can be guilty of appropriating other cultures, there must be a culture that they are safe to express, their own. But many people would argue that white people don't have a culture. Or that their culture is oppressing other cultures. Some would even say that white culture is borrowing from other cultures; that nothing solely represents white culture. It all came from someone else. But if white people don't have a culture, it would mean that all actions taken by a white individual would fall under the category of cultural appropriation in some form.

So if this is the case and white people don't have a culture, they must be in some form of limbo between cultures. A place that is safe for them to be without offending anyone else, but a place that can't be appropriated because it is an acceptable place for all people. And sadly, I think this may be the best way to describe modern white culture.

But even then, acknowledging white culture is seen as racist in and of itself. In fact, acknowledging whiteness in any form other than the humble recognition of privilege or mere statement of fact has been labeled as offensive. You are not allowed to be proud of your heritage if you are in the majority.

If you look at America and where it came from, I would say that white culture stems from religious freedom. You can see this in Martin Luther and the Reformation and in the immigration of European to America. You could also say that white culture largely participated in industrialization and technological advancement as much of this started in the colonies. White culture involves many styles of music, literature, dancing, and art. Yet these cultural aspects have never been designated solely for the white community.

But this is a legitimate question that I have and I am interested in seeing the perspectives of individuals from any background. What is white culture? Or does it even exist at all?

*Note: When I refer to white culture in this piece, I am referring to a possible culture shared by white individuals regardless of geography, religion, or socioeconomic status.

love one another

Before you start reading, I want you to consider all of the choices you have made in your life. Haircuts, careers, relationships, every choice you have made. Now, I want you to decide right now, if you would be willing to have those choices broadcast to the world and scrutinized by every pair of eyes that saw your name or face. 

Now I want you to think about yourself as an individual. What is your favorite color? What do you want to do with the rest of your life? What makes you happy or sad or angry? How do you view yourself? 

Now I want you to imagine that the entire world is looking at you. And they're telling you that the career you've chosen is disgraceful, that your style is horrendous, or that the things that make you happy are silly or wrong. Imagine how that would feel.

Caitlyn Jenner recently introduced herself to the world and she has been met with a fiery storm of both praise and hatred. She's been told that she's beautiful, but she's also been told that she's a disgrace to both the male and female genders. She has claimed her identity and began a life that makes her feel happy. And shouldn't she have the right to do so? 

1. No one knows exactly what other's are dealing with.

Often, when dealing with our various trials, we tell ourselves and others that no one knows what we're going through. And at a temporal level, it's true. Our experiences are completely individualistic. Only we know exactly what we are feeling at any given moment. And this applies to Caitlyn. My personal speculation would be that she has suffered from gender dysphoria for a good portion of her life (given that this speculation is based off an incomplete undergraduate level study of psychology). But essentially, this means that she does not identify as male, and living as a male caused significant stress and anxiety in her past life. 

So how many of you have had gender dysphoria? According to the DSM-5, the incidence of gender dysphoria ranges from 0.005%-0.014%. So there's actually a pretty good chance that none of you reading this understand the mental issues that Caitlyn or others with this disorder are dealing with. That means that you don't really have the right to judge how anyone in this kind of situation chooses to deal with their feelings and identity. 

2. You do not understand what God would and wouldn't do.

An argument I've seen about Caitlyn is that God wouldn't make the "mistake" of putting a female soul into a male body. The initial problem with this argument is that it assumes that our earthly understanding of the world is capable of knowing what God would and wouldn't do. And assuming that the placement of a female soul into a male body is a mistake can be compared to stating that genetic disorders are another mistake made by God. But here's the thing, God doesn't make mistakes, but he does provide trials for us throughout this lifetime that allow us to grow and learn. I am in no position to say that God would or would not put a female soul into a male body. But I am here to say that it is possible and we shouldn't assume that it's not. 

On earth, we are limited to a temporal understanding of eternal concepts. If we assume that we have complete knowledge, we are limiting the beauty and complexity of the eternities.

3. Gender is not a concrete concept.

Gender is definitely fluid. If it wasn't all men would be the same and so would women. But we have to incredible opportunity to develop our own identities. I have the right to decide whether I want to be athletic, quiet, outspoken, submissive, or powerful. Yet humans naturally create categories to organize concepts. When something or someone deviates from our preconceived dichotomy, we freak out and call it unnatural. But the problem usually isn't in that thing or person, it's in the way we feel like they have to fit in some sort of box to be accepted. 

This is especially prominent in regards to gender. We assign each gender colors, activities, and adjectives. Deviation from these categories causes contention, intimidation, and often hatred. And when someone doesn't fit into either category, we get confused. 

Now it wouldn't be a real blog post from me if I didn't include an LDS concept, so here you go. In The Family: A Proclamation to the World we are told that "gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." Gender is an eternal concept. But once again, I think we are limited by our earthly connotations of gender. Perhaps the eternal definition stretches farther than our earthly understanding. 

4. Transexualism is not "trendy."

Another argument I've seen regarding Caitlyn is that the choice she made was merely because it was a trendy thing. No. Transexualism is not trendy. It is a serious decision that very few people make in their lifetime. It is also commiting oneself to a highly discriminated against community. The decision Caitlyn made was not because it was a cool or hip thing to do. It was a decision made out of stress and anxiety over the male role, and a peace to be discovered in a female one. A person does not make the decision to reassign their gender because of press or money. Caitlyn was struggling and this was the way she found to cope with what she was feeling.

5. Caitlyn is brave.

There is a rumor going around that the runner up for the Arthur Ashe courage award was a war veteran who lost his arm and leg in combat and has competed in athletic competitions despite his disability. Number one this is false; there was no "runner up." Second, one person's bravery does not negate the courage of another. And three, the decision Caitlyn made was brave. 

She decided to desert the life she knew as a man and begin anew as a woman, knowing that she would be met with disgust and hatred along the way. She was true to how she felt, and that takes a lot of courage. She also made the decision to join oppressed and discriminated against communities. The negatively she has faced and will face for being a member of the LGBT community is incredible. Yet, she made the decision to face that negativity because it meant living a happier life for herself, not for anyone else. 

She also decided to join the female community. I've seen statements saying this is a disgrace to women. But think about this. She has chosen to be the target of objectivity and sexualization. She has chosen to be the victim of discrimination and oppression. She has chosen for her accomplishments to be ignored by the media so they can focus on what designer she decided to wear on a given evening. She has chosen to receive 77 cents to the dollar if she decided that she should need to work. This is a life she has chosen, and it's not for fun or glamour. It's for the comfort in her own skin. And it is absolutely ridiculous to say this decision was made lightly. 

6. No matter how you view her choice, it is not your right to judge what she does with her life.

She is not harming anyone. What she has done is not illegal. So please tell me exactly why you think it is your place to tell her that her decision is wrong. Perhaps you don't think that gender reassignment is the best way to deal with these kinds of issues. Or perhaps you believe that this change is a sin of some sort. I'm not here to tell you that you are wrong for thinking those things. But I am here to tell you that a person does not deserve to be hated for a decision that has no effect on you whatsoever.

Think back to when I told you to think about all of the choices you have made in your life and to imagine them being broadcast to the world. Now imagine all of these individuals posting about how your decisions were wrong or harmful. Think about them telling you that the decision you made makes you a disgrace to your community. Do you deserve this? No you don't.

Christ taught us that we are supposed to love our neighbors. There were no stipulations to this commandment. He did not say love them unless their fat, gay, transgender, black, or less intelligent. He said to love everyone. And that's that. It does not matter what you think of the decision that Caitlyn or any other member of the transgender community has made. Remember that love is the most important thing we can do in this life. And that love should not exclude anyone. 

redefining beauty

Something our culture is currently obsessed with is beauty. As a society, we have set an ideal and we think less of those who don't reach it. Women who are generally considered beautiful are tall, thin, have clear skin, luxurious hair and big eyes. Their eyelashes go on for days and their lips are full and pink. Eyebrows are perfectly shaped and stomachs are flat. Men don't escape these ideals either. Men are to be tall and muscular, have chiseled abs and a strong jaw. They are expected to look strong, but not daunting. And these qualities are generally found to be attractive, so we set this standard for everyone.

However, in doing so, we tend to see qualities that aren't contingent with the standard to be unattractive, or not qualifying of the word beautiful.

And people have started to notice this issue. There has been a huge surge of men and women calling for a change. People are all about "redefining beauty." On the surface level I think this is fantastic. Why do we have one definition for what's beautiful? Clearly individuals outside of this definition still qualify.

Take for example, Tess Holliday.


(https://healthnewsandviews.files.wordpress.com/2015/01/tess-munster-tess-holliday.jpg)

Holliday is a plus-size model. She's 5'5", size 22, and absolutely stunning. She has also spearheaded the movement #EffYourBeautyStandards, encouraging women all over the world to embrace their size and beauty.

Another example is Madeline Stuart.


(http://www.popsugar.com/fashion/Madeline-Stuart-Model-Down-Syndrome-37508623#photo-37508627)

Madeline is an 18 year old aspiring model with Down's syndrome. She's totally adorable and another advocate against traditional beauty standards.

Both of these women are creating new ideas of beauty. But this takes us back to the idea of "redefining beauty." Journalists love to use this phrase to describe what these women and what others like them are doing. Bu when you delve deeper into the meaning of these words, they make it seem like these individuals don't actually qualify as beautiful unless the core idea of beauty is changed. It says that they must "redefine beauty" before they can be considered for the title. And even worse, claiming that beauty is in the process of being redefined insinuates that it was capable of having an objective definition in the first place.

We've all heard the quote "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," yet we often disregard it's claim. Beauty is not one thing. Beauty is whatever we want or make it to be. Beauty doesn't have an objective definition no matter how hard we try to give it one. We also get stuck on beauty as something that is professed outwardly. We focus on its visual aspects and ignore its mental, emotional, and spiritual capacity. We define it as a standard of aesthetics, rather than personality traits.  

Merriam-Webster's full definition of the word beauty is "the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit." This definition leaves the "qualities" in question up to the interpretation of the beholder as to what they find exalting or pleasurable to their senses, mind, and spirit. As individuals we get to decide what we find beautiful, both aesthetically and otherwise. 

I love my crooked nose. I think it's kind of adorable how awkward I become when people compliment me. I have the lankiest limbs. I can be extremely obnoxious. Sometimes I don't filter what I say as best as I should. And guess what. I'm so beautiful. By my own standards, not based on the ideas of others. 

Discover what you find beautiful and discover those things in yourself. When it comes to the definition of beauty, the only one that truly matters is your own.

mormon sexuality

We live in a world where female sexuality is pretty taboo. Living in the Mormon world, it is especially ignored. We don't talk about it, because if we don't, it doesn't exist right? Nope. In fact, the less we talk about it, the more strife it brings on young women trying to figure it all out.

Men have been painted as sexual beings throughout time. It is understood that men are often bombarded with thoughts about sex and often use these thoughts to determine their behaviors. It's normal for men to be viewed this way and everyone seems to just accept it. As members of the church, we often acknowledge this struggle and try to find ways to convenience them. My least favorite is the argument that modesty in clothing is important because it will help young men have cleaner thoughts. Debunking that teaching could be a whole other blog post if I wanted, but I digress.

As an LDS community, we do not like to think of women as being sexual. As much as we avoid the topic of sex in the first place, sex and its relation to women is ignored even more.

But here's the truth. Humans are sexual beings. This includes women. And ignoring that fact is making life for young girls more difficult than it really should be.

First of all, as a Mormon community, I feel like we need to be more open about sex in general. We go from being single youth and young adults who are supposed to regard sex as something off limits both in action and in thought, to being young, married, and totally lost. This shift from sex being taboo to sex being regarded as something beautiful and God-given is jarring and can cause issues in a relationship. The problem here is not the initial view of sex being something to avoid before marriage in order to stay morally pure or the view that after marriage it is a way to strengthen a relationship and keep commandments. The issue is the sudden change that does not allow for adjustment.

This can be solved by creating an environment for youth and young adults in the church in which sex is regarded as a natural human instinct—one that we can resist and avoid until the time is right, but one that we should not be ashamed of. But when we avoid the topic all together, we sometimes don't even understand our own shame. And this can scare people from asking questions because they don't want to be the one to bring it up. The conversation about sex in the Mormon community is seemingly closed and not looking to be opened.

Though I do not want to belittle the struggles that men face, I do believe women in the church are facing further difficulties due to the views of the world. Male sexuality is more accepted both in and outside of the church, while female sexuality is avoided in both regards. This makes it even more difficult for young women to be open about their feelings and urges.

As I stated before, women are sexual beings and we need to make this a more open topic of discussion with each other.

As a young women, I honestly didn't struggle with this too much. I have always been attracted to men, but I never really felt much of a need to act on it until more recently. In high school, I rarely dated and my first kiss wasn't until after I had graduated. I didn't struggle with my sexuality because it wasn't something at the forefront of my mind. But as I have witnessed young women from back home and the women I'm around on a daily basis where I currently live, I've begun to recognize that these are issues we need to be open about.

As a result of ignoring female sexuality, I have noticed that more and more young girls are beginning to experiment for themselves rather than ask questions. This is leading them to places and situations they don't need to be in. If they felt more comfortable asking questions and talking to their parents and leaders about this issues, perhaps we would encounter less of these issues. We need to facilitate an environment of trust and understanding that allows young girls (and boys) to ask questions regarding their sexuality and how to deal with it.

We are sexual beings. We don't like to say it, but we are. Sex is a common motivator for our behavior and it's something we encounter often in our thoughts. We need to stop pretending like it isn't something we're all dealing with. Open conversation could be the difference in someone's eternal progression and we need to facilitate that.

inexhaustible magic

Words have a very strange way of being thrilling, inspiring and absolutely terrifying all at the same time. As Albus Dumbledore once said, “Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.” (J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows). This quote has always stuck out to me. I think this is mostly because I absolutely love the Harry Potter series and it has made me feel like a part of the magic. But it has a lot of truth to it. I have so much power in something that I use everyday. I can use my words to love or to harm, to uplift or to tear down. Words have so much strength, yet we frequently throw them out without thinking of the damage we could be causing and often not recognizing the lives we could be changing. 

It's incredible to think that just 26 letters in the English language can be combined in infinite patterns with infinite meanings. With the same letters you can tell someone "I love you" or "O evil you" which is a really silly example. But 8 letters when rearranged can have entirely different meanings. So it just makes sense that we should put a lot of care into the way we organize them. 

And we have the power to use words every day of our lives. We are able to shape the world around us by the way we rearrange a compilation of 26 characters. And we forget that we have this power. We take it for granted and we misuse it. And sometimes we don't use it at all.

Silence can often be even more powerful than words themselves. And sometimes in silence we lose the power we could have had. 

The power of silence is that it allows for thought. When we are constantly talking, we allow little time for us to think about what we are saying. I've been known to ramble, especially when I feel uncomfortable. In these times I lose sight of my thought process and just allow words to escape without full acknowledgement of what I may be saying. If I were to be more silent in these times, I could conjure up words that I really want to say. Words with more meaning and strength, rather than incomplete or incoherent notions which poured out of my mouth before I knew what I was doing. Silence also gives the listener time to think. Just imagine if we felt more comfortable with silence, how much more meaningful our interactions would be. We could think more clearly and communicate more efficiently. 

Yet, we find ourselves struggling to allow silence. We have to be constantly engaged and active in our interactions. We've deemed silence as "awkward." Some people feel so uncomfortable with these silences that they choose to break them, even if they aren't adding anything meaningful. We destroy the silence to make ourselves feel more comfortable in the moment, when we could be allowing the silence to continue to improve our future.

Because the truth is silence can be so healing. It gives us time to compose ourselves and come to terms with whatever we may be dealing with. It allows us to think clearly and organize our thoughts. But it can also be damaging. There always comes a point in time when silence needs to be broken. And often we get to that point and we shut down. We allow the silence to continue for longer than we should and this can be dangerous.

The more negative side of silence's power is the time it allows us to dwell on our thoughts. Yes, it can heal, but it can also hurt. And when we are given too much time to think about certain things, we can end up coming to stressful conclusions. Its incredible how silence, the absence of noise which is essentially nothing at all, can fill up a room and cause us to suffocate. 

And when we are the one's elongating the silence, we are giving up our power. We are allowing other individuals to interpret our thoughts and feelings. Essentially we are handing over the power our words could have and we are allowing them to interpret something we haven't even said. And when we do this, we know we are giving up our power and we know that these individuals will jump to conclusions and allow themselves to suffer, all while we have the words that could clear the air. Yet, sometimes we get prideful or scared that our words may just be too damaging to share. 

The truth can definitely hurt, but the absence of the truth can be even worse. And as hard as it is to tell the truth or come forward about feelings or confess wrongdoing, it is so important that we do it. And it is so essential that when we do break the silence, we do it at the right time and with the right words. And we will mess up and we will hurt people, but we will learn and we can do better.

Make sure your words are thought out and make sure they will do good. Allow for silence, but know when to break it. It's not an exact science, it's more of an art, or even magic, that we have not yet mastered. And we just have to keeping trying.