finding compassion

If you are a living, breathing human being with any access whatsoever to the media, you know at least a little bit of what's happening across the world. ISIS has taken responsibility to a number of terrorist attacks across the globe and has threatened and hinted at more. Most media coverage has been devoted to the various attacks in Paris, but a Russian plane, the people of Beirut and of Baghdad have also been victims of terrorism in the past week. In fact, according to a Wikipedia tally, there have been 290 terrorist attacks so far this year by a variety of perpetrators.

With this increase of awareness of these global issues, many people have been quick to jump to conclusions and generalizations, the most common being that Muslims are a dangerous group of people.

I've seen all kinds of judgments and stereotypes against Muslims in the past several days and it breaks my heart. Having had experiences and friendships with people who are Muslim, I have developed a strong respect for the Islamic faith. They are a peaceful, moral people who's image has been distorted by the extreme behavior of a select few.

As humans, we love to put people in categories. We want to organize them according to our own ideas because it is more convenient to group them together than recognize them as individuals. And when extremists appear, it is easy to see them as the spokespeople for the whole. Many people have fallen in the trap of assuming that ISIS is a valid representation of the Islamic faith, and ISIS will use this to their advantage.

The truth is, Muslims likely hate ISIS as much or more than we do. They are a poor representation of Islam and its people. They also target other Muslims for a majority of their attacks. Islam is a victim of ISIS. By perpetuating hatred and discrimination towards all Muslims, we are furthering that damage. We are assisting ISIS and that is not okay.

So now is a time for compassion and love. There are thousands of Syrians uprooted for their homes and looking for their futures. They are looking for somewhere safe to go. And we have the opportunity to be that haven for them.

There has been extensive discussion over whether or not taking in refugees is a risk worth taking. People are scared that ISIS will use the immigration of these refugees as a way to infiltrate the US. In all honesty, this should be a concern. Likely, there will be some refugees with their mindset and influence. But this excuse to avoid assisting those in need makes a faulty assumption. It assumes that the US is clean from the influence of ISIS at this point in time. Chances are, ISIS already has individuals residing in the states who are loyal to their cause. Accepting refugees does not change that. Accepting refugees, in my opinion is not opening the US to the influence of ISIS because my bet is that it's already here. And in that case, I think it makes much more sense to help the thousands of people fleeing from their homes than to worry about what may or may not be coming with them. It is much better to do good in spite of the bad than to avoid the good because of the potential evil inside.

Thousands of Syrians are fleeing from their homeland. Thousands of individuals scared for their lives and wondering what will happen for them and their families. Thousands of mothers, fathers, and children hoping that someone, somewhere, will open their hearts and their homes because they had to leave theirs behind. 

Who are we to tell them they don't have a future here? Who are we to tell them that our own safety is more important than theirs? In our history, the US has been so willing to send troops abroad to help people in need with their problems in the past. Take for example, nearly every war the United States has engaged in. Why do we take a different stance when it means them coming here instead? We are willing to fight their problems in their own land, but are so hesitant to share ours. 

We must find our compassion and our humanity. We are on this earth together and we must work to maintain peace, safety, and health. Syria needs that assistance. These people need our help and we all should be willing to provide it. 

If you are looking for a way to help out the refugees personally, there are many options for you. 

If you are LDS, please donate to the Humanitarian Aid Fund here. 

If you go to BYU or live in the Utah Valley area, this is also an option:

If neither of these apply to you, you can find local organizations that are putting forth an effort to help. This link also has a list of organizations that are working to assist refugees. 

No matter what outlet you choose, you can help. 

suffer the children

Recently, the Church changed its policy regarding the blessing and baptism of the children of same-sex couples. These changes have only been announced through news media sources (source 1, source 2, source 3 - plus several others). This policy change redefines apostasy as including participation in a same-sex marriage. It also states that "a natural or adopted child of a parent living in a same-gender relationship, whether the couple is married or cohabiting, may not receive a name and a blessing." And that a natural or adopted child of a same-sex couple can only be baptized if "the child accepts and is committed to live the teachings and doctrine of the Church, and specifically disavows the practice of same-gender cohabitation and marriage"; and "the child is of legal age and does not live with a parent who has lived or currently lives in a same-gender cohabitation relationship or marriage."

Recently, the Church has shown support for same-sex couples in their legal endeavors. Many congregations have included homosexual individuals in their worship services. However, the Church's policy on same-sex marriage and behavior is clear. We believe that God has ordained marriage between a man and a woman. We believe that acting on same-sex attraction is a sin (though the attraction itself is not a sin if it is not practiced). 

In high school, I was close friends with several gay men. Due to this friendship I've always been a little conflicted on the issue of gay marriage. When sorting out my thoughts, I came to the conclusion that I would support my gay friends and relatives in their lifestyles. I do not have the right to decide for them how they feel and want to act. I have never felt threatened by or uncomfortable with the idea of same-sex marriage being recognized legally and have supported its legalization. I decided that my religious beliefs do not necessarily dictate my political beliefs. I can believe in the divinity of traditional marriage while believing that everyone, despite their personal beliefs on the matter, has a right to that legal institution. 

Since last night (which I understand is not the longest amount of time) I have been trying to wrap my head around the policy changes. I am hesitant to form my own opinion yet since the Church has not released official statements or explanations of the matter. I'm mostly writing this so I can understand my own thoughts. My initial response was shock. I was shocked that the Church would keep essential and saving ordinances from a child because of the actions of their parents. I was shocked that the Church would refuse the option of membership from a child due to the "apostasy" of their guardians. I tried to assimilate this change with my belief that "men will be punished for their own sins" (Article of Faith #2) and not for the sins of others. I tried to understand why Christ would say "suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for such is the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 19:14) during his life, but then would allow for a policy keeping those same little children from entering into that kingdom. I still don't fully understand and I have many questions.

For example, what happens to the 14 year old kid who strongly desires to get baptized, firmly believes in Church doctrine and teachings, and has the approval to get baptized from his same-sex parents? What happens when he wants the blessings of baptism and membership now instead of waiting four years? What happens when he has no place else to go when he does turn 18?

Does this apply to any children of same-sex couples or just the ones living with their parents? What if a devout family member takes the child in to their home? Is this change to protect the relationship of parent(s) and child? Is this change to ensure that a child won't become inactive or leave the Church after continuing to live with same-sex parents?

Why, if the previous definition of apostasy was "repeatedly [acting] in clear, open, and deliberate public opposition to the Church or its leaders," would a new definition need to be added to specifically mention same-sex marriage? It clearly falls under the first definition under Church doctrine. Why would the Church openly postpone blessings for certain individuals because of the circumstances they are living in?

We are all sinners, so why should the children of certain kinds of sinners be held from baptism? Why can a child of adulterous parents, addicts, or criminals be baptized normally when a child with same-sex parents is given so many restrictions?

I'm sure there are answers to these questions and social media has been fighting hard to find them. I have been told by some that Christ would not support this policy. I have heard from others that even though it may not make sense now, we need to trust the Lord. I have felt ashamed of the Church's decision. I've felt ashamed for feeling that way. I've felt heartbroken for the children of same-sex couples who are looking for truth and baptism and are told they can't have it yet. I've felt chastened by other Church members for my questioning of the Church's changed policies.

I know that I will not be able to fully understand certain things while I am on this earth. I know that throughout mortal life, I will have questions and in time, I can find answers. I know that I need to have faith, but sometimes faith is hard. It is okay to have questions and search for answers. It is okay to be unsure. President Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the Presidency of the Church, counsels us to to "doubt our doubts before we doubt our faith." But this does not mean we should be ashamed for having doubts in the first place.

pretty girls

"Happy girls are the prettiest," (Aubrey Hepburn) so put a smile on your face even if that's not what you feel. Intelligence is sexy so make sure you're smart so you can attract a good partner. Confidence is key (to securing a mate). We are told to have certain characteristics in order to boost our own appeal.

Can't I just be happy because it's healthy? Can't I be smart because I enjoy learning and want to pursue my goals? Can't I have confidence because I don't need to attract anyone to feel validated? We live in a time where even our personality traits are tied to our outward appearance and appeal. Because that is what has been labeled as the most important since day one.

Young girls are told to be beautiful, as if beauty is the best thing you can have. We are told to be pretty, as if that is the epitome of our existence. We are told to put on some lipstick and be charming. Because that's what we were brought into this world to do. Other traits that we develop throughout our lives with either enhance or diminish our beauty, so choose what characteristics you develop very carefully.

I hate the fact that I don't feel attractive unless I have attention from my male peers. I hate that as humans, we crave love and affection so much that we often tear ourselves down when we don't have it. I hate that all of my qualities can be tied back to whether or not I am attractive to everyone else. I want to be called beautiful and I want to be admired. I want to be more than the girl you can talk to about sports or your girl problems. I want to be more than your "bro." But I don't want to want that. I hate that I want it.

I do, begrudgingly, want to be noticed for my beauty. But the truth is, I want to be noticed for so much more.

I have so much more to offer than my appearance.
I want to be noticed for my witty humor or my athleticism.
I want someone to tell me that I am inspiring and ambitious.
Tell me that I am passionate,
Insightful,
Strong,
Fierce,
Independent,
Assertive,
Eloquent.

Compliment more than the way I look, because your eyes will never be able to see all that I really am.

happy birthday

So today marks a year since I started this blog and even though this is the absolute worst thing for me to be doing right now because I have a midterm tomorrow, two papers due at the beginning of next week, and I'm going to be in Boise, ID all weekend, I thought I'd commemorate this blessed day.

When I first made this blog, I honestly figured that I would write maybe 3 or 4 posts and then forget that it existed. But as it turns out, I have a lot of feelings and opinions and I've now been at it for a whole year and have published about 24 posts.

This is post 25. Happy birthday to me.

I really want to thank all of you who have continuously read my ramblings and put up with my imperfect opinions. The truth is sometimes I just really need an outlet. And clearly the best way to channel your thoughts and feelings is to put them on the internet for anyone to read. But it's really taught me a lot about my own vulnerability.

If you haven't watched it before, I strongly suggest that you watch Brené Brown's TED talk on vulnerability. In her talk, she describes the power of vulnerability and the power in embracing it. Vulnerability is often equated to weakness. When we are vulnerable, we are exposed and susceptible to damage. But we are also strong and free.

Despite contrary belief, vulnerability is not weakness. Sometimes, we may feel that way, but we have to recognize the strength it takes to become vulnerable. Exposing yourself and your weaknesses is hard and requires a lot of courage. We don't want to open ourselves up because it means we can be easily targeted and harmed. But putting on a tough outer shell never makes you stronger inside. You have to endure the damage that vulnerability can entail and heal from it in order to truly be strong. And to do that, you have to embrace to the possibility of being wounded.

There have been many times while writing posts that I stop part way through to decide whether it's truly worth finishing. In fact, I have about three drafts waiting in my cue, partially written and left to collect dust. But writing and publishing my thoughts has been more fulfilling than I could have imagined. None of my posts have hit the big time, but being able to hear and read responses to my thoughts and my words has been an incredible experience. It's amazing to see both positive and negative feedback. It's insane that people even want to read my silly musings. Insane and surreal.

So I want to propose a challenge to all of you lovely and enduring readers. If there is something you want to do, something you want to say, just do it. Nike's had it right all along. Don't hesitate. Embrace your vulnerability. Try something new. Develop a new talent. Or learn that you're really bad at whatever it is. You'll truly never know until you try.

So thank you. For putting up with me, for clicking the silly little Facebook link, for reading what I have to say. I'm so glad I was able to say it to you. And I'm so glad you gave me the opportunity to be vulnerable. Because "to feel this vulnerable, means I'm alive" (Brené Brown, 2010). 

a race without winners

When I was in elementary school, I was very proud of my height. I was the tallest kid in my class for several years and I even remember being devastated when one of my classmates outgrew me. My freckles were constellations illustrating my features. I loved to dance and sing. I liked musicals and hot wheel cars. I was awkward and laughed at everything, but it was okay because I was myself and that's all that mattered.

Elementary school was a glorious time of freedom. It was a time when cares didn't press on your shoulders. You can run like the wind and play among the stars. You can look, think, and feel however you want. Learning is fun and the world is ready to be explored.

But as you grow up, the world becomes bigger and more harsh. You become confined by standards and comparisons. Instead of looking at a thing of beauty and recognizing what you can become, you recognize what you are not. Learning becomes difficult and the world doesn't seem as accessible as it once did.

College is different than elementary school, especially when you attend a school with such a strong culture. BYU is a wonderful school and I'm so glad I came here, but it's not as perfect as some people would like to think it is. The truth is, going to BYU can be really hard on your self-esteem and self-image. I'd like to think of myself as a pretty confident person. I have accepted who I am and I know my worth. But I wouldn't be writing this if I believed it 100% of the time.

I want to talk about some aspects of the BYU/Mormon culture that have made it hard for me (and probably others) to really feel secure in self-worth, both individually and collectively.

Righteousness/Personal Growth

In addition to the typical academic competition present at university, BYU has an added aspect of religious competition. If you are LDS (which about 99% of us are) you are constantly surrounded by people who share your beliefs. In this kind of environment, it is difficult to avoid comparing yourself with your friends and peers. In these comparisons there is often a feeling of singularity. Everyone else is doing so well, and I am alone in my struggles. And when you combine these feelings of inadequacy and solidarity, self-esteem is arduous to maintain.

This time in our lives should be about our personal spiritual growth. This growth cannot be meaningful if accomplished through competition. You can only truly grow when you are seeking progression for the sake of progress and out of your love of God. Competition is fueled by love of man and reputation, thus advancement with this motivation is not divine. We need to recognize that though we are all running the same race, there aren't prizes for those who finish first. God loves us whether we are leading the pack or falling behind. He even loves us when we wander off the trail. Religion is not a competition, so we need to stop playing it like there's a trophy to win.

Dating

Please don't ever ask me why I am single. Besides not actually having a strong answer to that question, it implies that there is something wrong with the fact that I am not currently in a relationship. There's not.

During one of my very first church meetings at BYU two years ago, the women in the ward were given the counsel to "date boys." Yep, it was that blunt. (Please note: this is definitely not the only time I have or will receive this advice, it's everywhere). I have done a poor job following this counsel, sometimes by my own personal choice, sometimes not. But the pressure of dating and marriage is overwhelming. And this can even be tied into my previous complaint. The LDS church is built on the organization of the family. It is seen as and is the ultimate goal of our time in this mortal life. But this ties our dating habits to our to our religious behavior and belief. If you are not going on dates regularly, it can almost be seen as sacrilegious.

The Lord's timing for each of us is personal and different. Whether we are married, dating, or wondering why we haven't been asked out in months, the Lord loves us and has a plan for us. We need to trust His timing and know that dating doesn't make or break our religious well-being. It's a fierce competition here in Provo, but once again there are not winners and losers. I am no more or less based on my relationship status.

Happiness

It has been said (and empirically documented) that Mormon's have a certain glow about them. We are a happy people. We face trial with optimism and see light in the darkness and it doesn't go unnoticed. But with this stereotype comes the challenge to uphold it. If you follow a Mormon on Instagram or are friends with one on Facebook you have probably seen how "blessed" and "grateful" they are. And these are not bad things to be, but it becomes damaging when you feel you have to suppress negative emotion to be or pretend to be so.

There is a huge pressure to be happy all the time, and when you're not, to feign that you are. Specifically as a Mormon girl, you are supposed to be peppy about life with your hair in curls and your skirt to your knees. Problem one, my hair is perpetually straight and curling takes too much effort. Problem two, I'm not always happy. In fact, I'm often stressed or irritated. I don't always (or ever) fit the cute, happy Mormon girl mold. And I don't really mind that I don't either, but it can cause me to lose sight of my place in the Mormon community as a whole.

There should not be a mold. The word "Mormon" shouldn't evoke thoughts of stereotypes, but thoughts of spirituality, diversity, and love. I shouldn't feel the need to adorn myself in a constant smile and mint green statement necklace to feel like I belong. If you are not happy all the time, you don't have to pretend that you are. And if you are happy, you don't have to tell the social media world if you don't want to.

There is not a checklist to be a good Mormon. You don't have to do certain things every day. You don't have to be with the love of your life right now. You don't have to put on a smile if it gets too hard to do so.  You are not worth less based on the number of people ahead of you. You are not worth less if you don't fit the mold. Life isn't a race, it's a journey to make at your own pace. And Mormonism isn't a stereotype, it's a belief system.

chocolate cake

Say your best friend has some chocolate cake. It's the best chocolate cake in the entire universe. Your approaching the end of your life and you are finally told about this bomb cake, even though your friend has had it all along. Wouldn't you be ticked if they had never shared that cake with you?

Well, I have a cake. It's pretty much the sweetest cake there is, and I've not really been the best at sharing it. Not because I don't want to, but because I'm never totally sure how. So I'm going to try to now. We're talking about some dope Mormon cake. The cake of the gospel. Jesus cake? Is that sacrilegious? Anyway...

I was born into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I've been to a couple other churches throughout my life and I've had friends of all kinds of religions. Honestly, I haven't done much exploring outside of Mormonism, but I've also never felt the need to. I like the taste of my Mormon cake. I know it's the right cake for me. And I love it with all my heart. And when you love something, you share it with the people you love.

I know that most of my readers are Mormon as well, so I'll spare the details of the establishment of the church, but if you are interested, you can look here for information on the people, values, and beliefs of the church. And if you have any questions ever about our beliefs, my inbox is just a click away!

I think the one of most comforting thing about being a Mormon is the belief system and community that ensures that you never have to feel alone. In the church there is a strong focus on family. In fact, the older I get the more I recognize that while on this earth, our family, by blood, by community, and eternally, is the most important aspect of our lives. Due to this focus on the family unit, there is a very strong sense of family beyond the bonds of marriage or birth. We refer to each other as brother and sister just as naturally as we would call someone by their first name. We talk about our ward family or in single's wards, our family home evening brothers, sisters, and parents. The family is the basic unit, and not just by name, but by connection. Even when you may not know the people in your congregation as best as you could, it is easy to love them and feel connected with them.

And the most important aspects of these familial connections are our Father in Heaven and our brother, Jesus Christ. Though many people aren't aware, the Mormon church is first and foremost, a Christian church. Christ is the very center of our beliefs. The Atonement is at the forefront of our teachings. I know that it is through the Atonement that I can be forgiven and cleansed of my sins. And that's the next great thing about my church that I want to discuss. You never run out of chances.

Each week that you attend church and take of the sacrament, you get to start over. Each time you pray and truly repent of your sins, you get to start over. And you never run out of those chances. It's not like a video game; you can't run out of repentance lives. And it's fantastic. Because we all make mistakes, a lot of them. But with my knowledge of the gospel, I know that I can repent of those things and commit to improving my life. An unlimited amount of times. And all of this is possible through Christ's sacrifice. A sacrifice he was willing to make for the whole world, but also for everyone personally.

And that's the next thing that I love about the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is so personal. We often get overwhelmed by the number of people in this world and this causes us to question our own individual worth. We wonder whether or not God truly knows who we are. We wonder if we are significant. But the LDS church makes dealing with those doubts and questions much easier. God does know us and loves us personally. We each have a role in His divine plan.

The final thing I want to share about the church I love so much is the role of prophets. Many people believe that prophets are a thing of the past, a key aspect of the ancient church, but no longer necessary in our time. Others believe that God has left our world without prophets because He no longer loves us or desires to communicate with us. I know that latter reasoning is false, because I have felt God's love and I know he would not leave His children on earth without guidance. And the first reasoning just does not sit right with me. If Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8), why would the organization of His church change?

The LDS church is one of the only churches that believes that prophets and their communication with God are still present today. The blessing that comes with this is that we are still privileged to hear revelations that are specific to our time. We do believe in the Bible and the Book of Mormon, however they are ancient documents. These books or scripture are essential, but modern revelation gives us guidance for our day. Twice a year, we are able to listen to the words of these prophets and apostles in their General Conference addresses. This October marks the 185th Semiannual General Conference of the Church* (the 185th Annual General Conference being held in April of this year). I am so grateful for the opportunity to hear the words of God specific to my time and my life.

So that's my chocolate cake. You can choose what you do with it. But know that I love this cake. I love it with all my might, mind, heart, and strength. And because of that love, I want others to know about it too.


*This can be watched here on October 3rd and 4th at 10am and 2pm MST. If you are at all interested in the church or what I have written in this post, I HIGHLY recommend tuning in for a bit!

reform: immigration and attitude

If there's one thing to know about my opinions of the upcoming presidential election it's that I am strongly opposed to Donald Trump and I am terrified by the idea of him running this country. He's running his campaign on the slogan "Make America Great Again." How does he plan to do so? By getting rid of people he considers lesser Americans. In fact, if you go to his campaign website, the only thing under his positions tab is his stance on immigration reform. It's central to his campaign and it would be central to his presidency (and let's just hope it doesn't go that far).

His immigration policy relies on several things: making Mexicans build the wall keeping them out of our country, increasing security and the processing of documentation, and deporting all illegal immigrants, including the discontinuation of birthright citizenship.

Let's ignore the fact that this would most likely cause more strain on our economy than it would benefit it and focus on the social issues it would cause domestically. It will cause unnecessary conflict between the US and Mexico. And of course, in this situation, the US will make itself the bigger, scary superior and force Mexico into compliance. It would increase segregation and discrimination in our communities and it would revert us even further into civil rights issues.

In America, we are so surrounded by freedoms and rights that we cannot comprehend life without them. We fail to understand that other countries are far behind us when it comes to political advancement. (We also fail to see how other countries are surpassing us, but that's another topic). Essentially, we have it good here (though there is always room for improvement). And other people recognize that too.

Here's something to understand about immigration, whether legal or illegal. These individuals are choosing to leave their home country for a country that widely disapproves of them because they believe living here will be better for their future. They are leaving everything they know and risking the chance of being sent back to it in order to pursue potential opportunity for a brighter future. I think that says something about the state they are in. That decision deserves compassion from our side.

We also have to note how difficult and time-consuming it can be to enter the US and gain citizenship on a legal basis. There are policies in document retrieval that cause people to be stuck in the process. When it takes years in order for spouses to be reunited because getting a visa is too difficult, it is clear there are problems to be solved.

We do need immigration reform, in the sense that we need to show compassion to individuals fleeing their home land to find better lives for themselves and their families. We need to provide means for individuals to gain citizenship so they can attain jobs to support their families. We need to speed up the process of documentation so people can reside with their loved ones legally.

Take for example, the refugee situation in Syria. As Americans, we are encouraging Europe to take in these Syrian refugees so they may escape their distressed and war-torn country. Over one-third of Syria has left or is attempting to leave. Their situation is so dire, that a large portion of the population is attempting to leave their homes. And we are in strong support of them doing so. We are telling European countries to open their borders to those less fortunate than themselves. However, we sit here in our homeland telling people that they cannot reside here because they are somehow a strain on our economy and resources. They are in similar situations. They are trying to escape danger and empty futures, yet we turn them away for our own benefit. It's selfish and hypocritical.

Despite your religious beliefs or views of creationism, we are all occupants of this world. Despite who you believe created the world, or how we ended up here, it is dangerous to assume that our occupancy dictates a right to regulate the existence of others on this land.

According to my own personal beliefs, God gave us this world for our mortal existence. He created the mountains and oceans and skies. He provided them as a location for us to live, experience mortal life, gain physical bodies, and grow closer to Him spiritually. It is such a blessing that we get to occupy this earth at the same time as billions of other people. We get the pleasure of interacting with thousands of people throughout our lives. However, we are self-righteous enough to believe that we have some right to decide where they fit with us on a social scale. We feel like we have the power to decide where they are allowed or not allowed to exist. We have taken this world that was given to us and made it into a power system. We attribute ourselves power over others, while ignoring the highest power of all.

Would God stop illegal immigrants from pursuing a brighter future because they don't reside in the country according to the laws of man? Of course, it is essential that we respect these laws, but nothing is said about changing them.

No matter what your current stance on immigration is, please take a moment to have compassion on these people who are leaving their comfort zone because they no longer feel comfortable there. Take time to love people who have the same goals as you, to find success and strength for themselves and their families. Take time to recognize the needs and desires of others, even if it does impede on your own personal or community ease. We are making the mistake of thinking that our personal gain is always the most important.

Throughout adolescence and early adulthood, I have come to recognize that the best way to view politics is not to reflect on our personal beliefs, but to look outwardly. What is best for us is not always best for the whole.