election 2020

I haven't written anything in over a year. The state of the world being one of dystopian pandemic and political hellscape has done a number on my motivation to do things that I enjoy. And it should be said that I am not even close to the most impacted by this environment. For the most part, the issues being debated and stakes of the upcoming election have a much smaller effect on my daily life than many people. And I am still exhausted. I cannot begin to imagine or attempt to put into words what others are experiencing. And I also shouldn't; it is not my place to speak for what anyone else's experience in this world is. So while I cannot and will not do that, I want to attempt to put my own thoughts into words for you, as jumbled as they may be.

Four years ago, around this time, I wrote a post dissecting my approach to the 2016 election. Now, my approach back then was different for a number of reasons. 1) Living in a red state that many hypothesized could be swayed to a third party candidate allowed for a different perspective on voting power than my blue, federally unrepresented district vote now requires. 2) Though I was still largely left-leaning then, my political beliefs were much different at age 21 than they are now at 25. And 3) though at the time, I did see Trump as a threat to human rights, I now also see him as a threat to democracy and fair governing. 

There is no way I could ever vote for Trump. In fact, a large part of my approach to the upcoming election was convincing myself that I could vote for Biden. It's important to note here that this comes with some privilege. For many people, voting for Biden (and having others also do so) is their only option to maintain important rights, including the basic right to life. But admittedly I do still struggle to look his history with hateful/racist policy and sexual violence. I hate that I have to vote for someone who I morally object to in order to prevent another four years of someone I find much worse and dangerous. But at the end of the day, I think that is what is required to save lives.

So I am going to start with a point many can agree with: the two-party system is flawed and needs to go. It leaves many voters with choices they are not happy with. I long for a system better than this. With that considered though, it is the game we are currently playing in and it has real life consequences. What I have to say next may come from a place of my own values and biases, but I hope what I have to say is helpful for people who are in the middle ground or undecided about what to do this year.

In my attempts to become Christlike and emulate the qualities of Christ that I value: charity, honesty, kindness, faith, diligence, knowledge, etc., I have discovered that these traits and principles have informed much of my own social and political perspectives. Christ sat with the most downtrodden members of society and cared for them and their needs fully. I fear that modern Christianity has twisted many of the teachings and stories of Christ to fit a narrative that is not true. Christ was a radical, a criminal, a refugee. He was so many things that would be rejected by modern society and often by communities and institutions that proclaim to be acting in His name. For me, emulating Christ in my own life looks like trying my best to care for those who society rejects no matter the consequences. I am definitely still working on that.

My approach to voting this election is not just about what is going to provide the best outcomes for myself, but for everyone. What we can all do is listen to people about their experience with structural disenfranchisement, believe them, and then make decisions based on what they have told us is going to be best for their communities. The revised version of the golden rule rings true in this instance. Do not treat others how you want to be treated, treat them how they want to be treated. People are constantly speaking on what they want and need to dismantle systemic oppression (racism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, ableism, misogyny, and more). It is our job to listen and act. By prioritizing the values and policies that people who are impacted most by the systems we have in place prioritize, we will establish a more egalitarian and humanistic society.

This also is reminiscent of the concept of universal design. When we create structures and systems making them equitable and accessible for the most marginalized groups, those structures and systems will function better for everyone. I think many US voters want to know who and what will benefit them the most on a personal level. I am far more interested in who and what will benefit us all. 

It is important to note here that Trump struggles and hesitates to denounce white supremacy (source), calls on white supremacists to “stand by,” a call they have taken as a call to arms (source), reverses rulings that protect healthcare for the trans community (source) and disabled community (source), is running on a GOP platform to reverse the court case that federally legalized gay marriage (source, pg. 31-32), supports taking away rights to reproductive healthcare (source), attempts to strip and remove DACA protections (source), separates families leading to hundreds of missing children (source) and countless other things that will take away basic human rights for many people. We cannot claim to love and support marginalized groups while supporting their endangerment by the people we put in power.

But one of my big concerns with Trump overall is not just that he would be implementing policies that I don’t agree with (that would literally take away people rights and/or put them in physical danger), but that he would be doing so all while slipping into a more and more authoritarian rule. If for nothing else, a refusal to support Trump protects democracy. Advocating for postponing or cancelling elections, posting about the desire to serve more than two terms (even if joking), and refusing to commit to a peaceful transition of power are all things that we need to take incredibly seriously, even if you do not believe he is being serious. These things cannot be tolerable at any level or in any fashion and a vote for him is an endorsement of those claims. Allowing it now only makes him feel that it is more allowable for him in the future. 

In much fewer words, I can move past my personal issues with Joe Biden because I also know that his presidency will be far safer for the American people, in policy and in commitment to democracy itself.

Now these words are for Trump supporters (if you even made it this far) and anyone else who needs to hear it. I do not trust anyone who votes for Trump in this upcoming election. It isn't even really about politics, but a clear difference in our moral outlooks on life. I do not trust you with my own identity and life; I do not trust you to be fully loving and welcoming to anyone else that may be a part of my life now or in the future. It is a matter of safety. And if I do not trust you, you can only imagine how far that distrust may go for people in more marginalized communities than my own. I am very privileged around you. I still do not trust you. If you do not understand or accept that, you are free to remove yourself. 

This is a man and a platform that threatens human rights in a very real way. I understand that many voters have issues that are extremely important to them but the willingness to trample over marginalized groups in favor of those issues is indefensible. The stark individualism on which the US was built is suffocating us and causing many to forget what is most important. To bring it back to faith and spirituality, we have been commanded to love God and love our neighbors. I do not think it is possible to fully and truly love all your neighbors and vote to strip away their rights. So for me this is not about politics, but about moral responsibility. I desperately wish I could say that it’s just a difference in opinion, that I can be friends with someone no matter their political leanings, that I could feel safe no matter what. I wish it was that simple, but it just isn’t. My goal will always be to truly love my neighbors and my community. For me, it is inarguably clear that the way to do that this election is to make sure Trump is removed from office.

on grad school, isolation, and priorities

In isolation, one learns a lot about themselves. The biggest thing I've learned though is that I hate isolation.

Over the past two years, I've become extremely familiar with loneliness. I have spent so much time either completely alone or feeling like I am. Not because there aren't people around or even that I've had a hard time making connections out here in DC, but because I do not let myself embrace that connection. This isn't particularly new for me. I've always had a hard time meeting and opening up to new people. I've always had lurking thoughts in my mind about how despite all of the great friends have had throughout my life, the truth is I'm alone at the end of the day. But somehow it feels different when you spend nearly 9 full months commuting 3 hours round trip to an internship that stresses you out with only your thoughts to keep you company.

Grad school has been an incredibly draining experience. While I haven't been entirely secret about it, a lot of you don't know the depth of the stress I have experienced since moving to DC, especially in the past year. I have about a week left before I complete all of the requirements and the end could not come soon enough. Yet, even though this ending is providing much needed relief, I am still paralyzed by the future. I am trying to figure out what is really important to me, what I really want, and who I am, all while being petrified by too few digits in my bank account and impending rent deadlines. And it turns out it's kind of hard to figure out what you want to do with your life when you can't even decide whether or not it's financially responsible to get yourself lunch at Taco Bell. A friend asked me what my biggest priority is right now and I didn't have an answer. In fact, the question stressed me out so much I shut down the conversation and went to bed.

But I think the truth is my biggest priority (outside of making sure I can afford rent next month) is feeling like I belong. It's kind of funny how spot on Abraham Maslow was when he first drew that pyramid. I want to feel loved and appreciated. I want to feel connection and companionship. In fact, those things are critical to growth. I need them for my own health and progress. I also need to get my own anxieties in check to make it happen. Spending two years either physically or mentally isolated, though not constant, has not been easy on my poor brain, especially the parts that spit out lies and worries. My brain thinks that it's being helpful, that it's keeping me safe from pain. But, no surprise, the constant stress tends to cause more damage than it remedies.

I have never been a very open person. Vulnerability scares the hell out of me and I keep most of what I am feeling locked down. Writing has given me somewhat of an outlet, but I still largely "suffer in silence," as the people would say. And that's not at all healthy. I know it's not. I've been stuck in this cycle for years. I don't know how to process my emotions, I don't know how to advocate for my needs, and I don't know how to express myself effectively when I am not hiding behind a screen (and sometimes, I can't do so effectively even with that degree of separation). I have dug myself into a pit of self-pity and isolation and I don't know how to get out. I guess that's something for me and my future therapist to find out.

ᐁᐃᐁᐃᐁ

As I sit here writing, I am trying to figure out why. I don't know my reason for sharing this. Maybe it's my own way of processing. Maybe it's a futile attempt to feel better about the life changes ahead of me. Maybe, and most likely, it's me reaching out my hand and hoping that what I have to say resonates with one of you reading this. I'm not quite sure.

But what I do know is that people are important. And in the same way that I am willing to support others need for love and affection, I have to be willing to do so for myself. One of the hardest things I have had to learn and am still learning is that I am worthy of the same respect and care as others. It's so easy to view the people I love as worthy of compassion. The real hurdle is seeing myself in that same light. I am worthy of compassion, of love, and of respect. There is nothing that makes me less worthy than anyone else. It's a tough pill to swallow.

I can't say that after writing this my life and perspective on connection will have changed. If it was that easy, I would have changed my ways years ago when I first watched Brené Brown's TED talk on vulnerability. I will probably still have anxiety about connecting with people. I will probably still hide a lot of my stress and pain. I will doubt my worth and question whether or not my friends actually like me. But writing it and putting it out there will hopefully help me internalize this point a little bit more: having people you love and trust is crucial. Love and belonging is an innate human desire. I am not silly or needy when I feel like I need more attention and affection. And it's okay for me to ask for it.

it wasn't that bad.

First, I want to say sorry. Sorry for not telling the people who care about me about this before posting it online. Sorry for not being as much of a fighter as I thought I would be. Sorry for only talking about this now.

Last year I was sexually assaulted. Only I don't really feel comfortable calling it that. It wasn't violent. It ended quickly. I didn't fight back. It wasn't that bad.

Just two months ago I lied to my parents. In a debate about honor code violations and sexual assault at BYU, I told them that I had broken honor code rules, but was never assaulted at those times. But I had been. As soon as the words came out of my mouth I knew I was lying. Because it happened. I have denied it, I have pushed it down. I have told myself that I probably could have stopped it, so it was my fault that I didn't. I have carried this with me, mostly alone.

But before I tell you that story I want to tell you a couple different ones.

High School

Throughout high school, I was consistently sexually harassed by one of my peers. I blew it off because I thought he was cute and knew that he talked that way about a lot of other girls in our class. He made comments about my body, about having sex with me. When sitting near him in class, I knew these comments were likely, but I convinced myself it wasn't a big deal. I even recall joking to a friend that I could "probably get him in trouble for sexual harassment if I reported it," but I didn't want to be that girl. He was smart and popular. But what was the point of doing anything about it? It wasn't that bad.

College (Sort of)

Right after I graduated while I was still living in my college town, I took a trip with roommates to Las Vegas. It was a birthday trip and we had gotten into a swanky club as VIP (thanks to a wonderful stranger, but that's another story). Now while in a club, it is pretty common to make contact with other people, often just dancing and having a good time. It is also fairly common to be touched when you do not want it. And I still remember how it felt to try and pull another woman's hand away as she tried to reach up my skirt while she whispered in my ear "we're both girls, so it's okay." It wasn't okay, but it wasn't that bad.

I share these mostly because I need to get them off my chest. My experiences are definitely not limited to these things, but these specific ones stick out as the most consequential in my life. I consider myself lucky. I haven't had to deal with half of the garbage many of my friends have. My experiences are limited and I'm grateful.

And that brings me to my final story.

Like many young single Mormons, last summer I was feeling the pressure to date as well as the natural human desire for affection. I downloaded a popular Mormon dating app, Mutual, and I started swiping. I matched with this one boy who was cute, tall, and a returned missionary. He reached out and while we talked for a bit, I ultimately blew him off. But then a few weeks later, he messaged me again and asked me out. I agreed and we spent some time together up Provo Canyon. I had a good time and I thought he was attractive, so I reached out to him again. This time we ended up making out at my apartment. After a while, he started touching me in a way I did not feel comfortable with. My thoughts were racing. "What is he doing? How do I tell him I don't like this? What will he do if I tell him to stop? What if he gets upset?" Fortunately in the time it took me to mentally ask myself these questions, he had stopped. He eventually left and we never spoke again.

The next morning I remember telling one of my best friends what happened. I didn't give her all the details, but I did tell her I felt guilty. We blew it off as "Mormon girl shame." But by that night, I knew it wasn't just that. Something had happened to me that I did not want and did not consent to.

But it didn't last that long. It wasn't that bad.

I have had every doubt and every victim-blaming thought pass through my head. I still don't really feel like I am a victim or survivor. I still rationalize that what happened to me isn't worth speaking about and doesn't qualify for any definition. I keep coming back to the same thought "it wasn't that bad."

But what if it was? What do I do then? The answer is I don't really know.

As I watched the Senate Judiciary Committee question both Christine Blasey Ford and Brett Kavanaugh, I was brought back to my own experiences. Is what happened to me noteworthy? Am I overreacting? Was it my fault? If a woman can come forward with credible allegations of events much more serious than my own, where does that leave me? Would I be believed? Would I be mocked?

I find myself asking questions that shouldn't have to be asked at all. And I guess that's my answer.

None of these things should have happened to me. I shouldn't have to be grateful that at least it wasn't worse.

Watching women be questioned and doubted and retraumatized is painful. I have so much admiration and appreciation for what Dr. Ford has done. She is speaking up for herself, her country, and any other individual who has experienced something like this. I believe her. I stand with her. I am terrified that we are willing to allow sexual abusers to attain lofty positions of power in our government. Yet, I am empowered to share my own story. I share it for everyone who has gone through similar things. I share it for those who still question if their experience was bad enough to count. I share it so I no longer have to carry this burden alone.

If you are having a hard time with the current news, anything I shared in this post, or anything in your experience, please reach out. RAINN's hotline operates 24/7 at https://hotline.rainn.org/online/ or you can call 1-800-656-HOPE(4673). 

the year of empathy

First off, let me say, that I am fully aware that we are halfway through February. Secondly, I did start writing this a month ago but I never got around to ironing it out and posting it so touching on a New Years theme hopefully makes sense with that context. But I feel like this issue is ever important, so better late than never.

Starting a new year involves resolution-making, purging, and renewing for many people. Something I've seen many do is choose a word to use as their guide throughout the year. Seeing these caused me to reflect on what word might be the guiding beacon for me this year and I decided pretty immediately that it would be empathy.

I feel like empathy is something we all kind of pretend to understand and be good at. We know the textbook definition.We know that it is different than sympathy but we still interchange the two when it comes to our behavior. We expect empathy from others but really can't be bothered to extend it in return. And I think that is mostly because empathy is so active. It's not a gut reaction. It is thoughtful, active, and can often take time. 

Take into consideration pretty much every social issue currently in the news. It is my ~assumption that with empathy, these issues could be worked through a bit quicker than the pace we are currently at. But the truth is, empathy is hard. And not just like "my arms are weak and I can't lift this heavy box" hard but "imagining myself in your situation is emotionally exhausting and I am struggling to take your burden upon myself" hard. And we often don't truly consider the weight of these emotional burdens. But you also have to remember that no matter how hard imagining yourself in someone else's position is, actually BEING in that position is harder. In fact, a part of privilege is not actually having to be in those positions. But we sometimes take that to mean that we don't have to care about it either. It doesn't affect us so why waste the time? Because that's what good people do. They look outward. They empathize even when it's hard.¹

Empathy creates a space for work. When we truly empathize with another's difficulties, especially with the difficulties faced by entire groups of people, it is selfish to walk away without offering some form of assistance. For social issues, this can be small actions such as having conversations or larger actions such as donating time and money to just causes. And yes, with awareness of issues and the employment of empathy comes responsibility. And sometimes ignorance is easier (an idea I talk about in depth here), but we cannot allow ourselves to turn away. 

So for me, 2018 is a year of empathy. A year of employing it, strengthening it, and teaching it. When I read stories of abuse and marginalization, I will not imagine what I would do in their situation, I will imagine what I would feel in their situation. It is a subtle difference, but it might just change everything. 

¹Having a background in psychology, I know that empathy can be really hard for certain people. That's totally understandable and do what you can. 

awareness and responsibility

This past week has been a roller coaster of tragedies and political issues. Among the headlines, Puerto Rico and the destruction of Hurricane Maria, Las Vegas and the concert shooting, abortion legislation, Congress scandals, NFL protests, and Trump's horrendous response to all of it. It's exhausting for even the less politically involved of us. There is an endless supply of causes and movements to get behind, you just have to pick one or twenty...

I want to discuss something I've been studying in one of my classes this week. I am taking a course on the theories of counseling and psychotherapy. Specifically, this week we discussed Existential and Gestalt theories. In both there is a strong emphasis on awareness. In regard to therapy, this typically means an awareness of yourself: your personality, desires, and behaviors. But it also encompasses an awareness of the world around you. Gestalt theory points out that awareness directly translates into responsibility. Once you are aware of your circumstances or issues, you are then burdened with the responsibility of changing and improving. This vaguely resembles the cliche phrase most of us have heard, "the first step to solving your problems is recognizing you have them." I guess that makes responsibility for change step two.

But this was almost epiphanic for me as I am sitting in class and my mind immediately shifts to the topic of privilege. For my purpose here, let's define privilege* as unearned benefits attributed to members of certain social groups. Privilege is what allows you to "not be into politics." It allows you to sit on the sidelines and not choose a team to root for. Or, more commonly, sit on the sideline and root for a team you don't know much about. But the problem with learning about the teams is the duty that comes with it. Awareness does not just mean responsibility for yourself, but for others as well.

If you listen to women's experiences with sexism, you are then responsible for change. When you listen to PoC talk about their encounters with racism, you have to do something. When you learn of the hatred the LGBT community faces, you must be a part of the solution. When you consume statistics and stories, all of that information pushes you to action. So we choose not to listen and we choose not to understand. We choose ignorance because it's easier. When you don't acknowledge the cracks in our nation's foundation, you can continue living guilt-free. Because when everything collapses, you get to claim that you didn't think there was a problem in the first place.

Activism is emotional, and occasionally physical, labor. It's not easy. Engaging in movements and speaking up for your beliefs opens you to harassment and ridicule. It's an emotional vulnerability that opens the gates and let's people in to attack you at your core. But between comfortable ignorance and grueling awareness, I will choose exhaustion every time.

Though activism may be hard, it is just as rewarding. Having a strong belief system and something to stand up for are irreplaceable experiences. Being politically focused has made my life feel purposeful even when I have nothing else pushing me forward. If we are all living in this world, how selfish is it to not be informed on the ways we can take care of it and each other? And the key here is being properly informed.

I would invite those of you who have read this far, to learn something new about politics this week. Find statistics, look at sources, listen to stories, and engage in conversation. Read articles with an open, yet analytical, mind. Whether the information you find pulls you left or right, make sure the information is valid. Gather from a variety of sources, especially individual experience. Really think about what you believe instead of following what family, friends, or institutions tell you. Develop a belief system that fully belongs to you.

Most importantly, develop your beliefs and values with both your mind and your heart. Put love above all else. Do not merely preach a love for country, but a love for all the people in it. Recognize their humanity and their needs. And most critically, do not let your personal desires keep you from seeing what it best for everyone. If our main focus in life was supposed to be ourselves, we wouldn't have been put here with seven billion other people. Our goal should be to create systems that work best for everyone, and sometimes that's gonna involve personal sacrifice.

So make yourself more aware and take on some responsibility. Arm yourself with knowledge and conviction. Take shelter when you need to, recuperate, and rejoin the flanks. It's an emotional, selfless, and tiresome battle, but it's fought with love and truth.


*For more information on privilege, visit this site. It's long and imperfect, but informative.

shame and the gospel

Recently, I have had lots of questions regarding the gospel. They vary in topic and most I keep to myself. But about a month and a half ago, I got the nerve to throw some of these questions into the strange void that is twitter.com. Here is a screengrab of part of that thread (yes, my name here is "freakin bats." please try to ignore that):

I posed these questions partially hoping for people to respond with their perspectives but mostly just to throw out some thoughts I was having in hopes I wasn't alone in questioning things. Side note: If you have thoughts on Heavenly Mother and both the doctrine and culture surrounding her, I would love to chat.

However, the response that struck me most, was from a girl who has since blocked me and protected her tweets so I cannot include a screenshot of her reply. She indicated that she was tired of sacred things being questioned and called out as sexism. She felt that if I were faithful enough, these questions would not matter. And naturally, I was pretty upset. I felt like she was saying that my questions and concerns were not worth discussing and that my inquiry was due to a lack of faith. And I felt the opposite. I felt that I had faith in something and someone I do not know much about. I was asking questions, from my perspective, to gain understanding about something I feel very strongly about. And my questions were tossed to the curb and labeled as unfaithful. It hurt.

Questions and doubts are topics that are briefly discussed by church leaders. We are told to doubt our doubts (ref) and questioning in public spaces is discouraged. We are told that having questions is normal but are dismissed when we ask the hard ones. Most questions starting with the word "why" are answered with the direction to pray and gain a testimony for ourselves. And these things aren't inherently wrong, they are just limiting. Hard questions obviously are tough to answer. And I think that often, the questions we ask are questions the people we are asking have as well. But I wish that didn't have to mean we stay quiet.

I want to know why I am not supposed to say certain words. I want an explanation of how a few inches difference in hemline can determine righteousness. I want someone to explain to me why some forms of caffeine are acceptable while others are not. I don't want to follow commandments without understanding them. To me, the commandment to love one another seems like the most, if not the only important one, yet the most ignored. And I just want to understand why the directions we're given that to me seem petty or annoyingly specific get more attention than commandments as simple and powerful as love.

The fact that I am not satisfied with blind obedience may be a personality quirk, but I have the feeling I am not alone in feeling this way. In fact, I am sure that many people have these same questions in addition to many of their own. And I think it's leading many, especially individuals around my age, to leave the church altogether.

By leaving questions unanswered and unaddressed, we tell people that they need to figure things out on their own. And they may come out of that with stronger faith and a better understanding. But they could also end up confused and discouraged.

At this point in my personal and spiritual development, I do not blame those who leave the church when they have doubts. Being a member can be hard. We act like it's not, but it is. ("We" referring to the general church population). And then we judge people who leave for not being strong enough or not having enough faith. Or even more likely, we just do not understand how it's even possible that someone could walk away from something that brings us so much joy. We view leaving as a failure and a betrayal. As a whole, we really are just bad at letting people decide that a different lifestyle or belief system is better for them than Mormonism.

Mormons do not have a monopoly on truth. In fact, we get things wrong fairly often, I think. And honestly, every member has a different idea of what truth even is. We need to stop shaming people for asking questions and subsequently shaming them if they choose to leave. We need to let people discover their personal versions of truth. We need to ask and answer hard questions. Asking questions is how we learn and grow. Progress is impossible without inquisition. If asking these questions brings people closer to LDS doctrine and increases their faith, that is wonderful. But we need to remember that questions might have the opposite effect for some people. And that doesn't make them weak or wrong. It just means that they are still on the journey to find what lifestyle works best for them. And really, we all have that in common no matter what we believe.

lessons from utah county

I want to write something special but I am at a loss for words. In a week, I leave the most important work experience of my life for the last time. Two days later, I drive out of Utah, my home of the past four years, for good. I am overwhelmed. I am excited, terrified, miserable, and sure. Today I cried listening to For Good from Wicked and watched 6+ episodes of Parks and Rec. I am completely unprepared for what the next few weeks have in store.

The past month has been emotionally draining. I've been entirely lost and somehow totally sure of where I am at the same time. With the promise of a new adventure on the horizon, Utah has begun to feel like a second home (Kansas will always be number one for me).

I have learned a lot during this time of my life and I don't know how to organize it. So I am going to word vomit and hope it sounds okay.

Spend as much time in the mountains as possible. It is healing and celestial.

When given the opportunity, stay up late and watch multiple Disney Channel original movies in a row with your roommates.

The things you do aren't as important as the people you do them with. The friends you have reflect who you are and what you will become. If you hang out with trash people, you will become a trash person. Hang out with good, kind, passionate individuals and they will support you in being the same. Do the fun things, but make sure your focus is on who you are with.

Immediately find the best fries in whatever city you are living in. When sad, eat those fries. But also be open to trying new fries. Basically just eat lots of fries.

Self care is good. Netflix binge-ing by yourself falls under this category and anyone who says otherwise can go.

Do not give your time to people who do not respect you or your boundaries, emotionally or physically. They do not care about you. They are not your friend. There are so many people who will ask you what you are comfortable with and respect your answer. They will ask you if you are okay with hugs. They won't push you to go out when you want to stay home. And when you find these people, do not let them go.

Follow up: believe your friends when they tell you someone has disrespected their boundaries. Be there for them.

Always go on road trips. Doesn't matter where you go.

Treat yourself when you can. Especially when it comes to buying shoes. I am always in support of buying shoes.

Get involved in politics. National, state and local. Vote when you can (which should be always). Challenge your own views and the views of others. Stand up for your beliefs but listen to everyone else too. Let your opinions change and definitely don't get mad when others do the same. That's not flip-flopping; it's growth.

Go to class, but also skip every once in a while. It's fine.

Find a place to nap on campus. If you are at BYU, the periodicals section of the library has some leather couches behind the bookshelves that I highly recommend.

Try new things and don't give up when you are bad at them. I'm still learning this.

And lastly, though the sentiment is overdone and cliche, be yourself. There is no good reason to not be. Everything strange and rough and imperfect about you makes you incredible. Do not betray that.